Attending Sunday service can become very mundane very quickly. Oftentimes, it seems like something to check off your list before getting back to your normal life. Sure, some worship services move you or cause you to examine your life in light of Scripture. But more often then not, there is a profound sense of “normal” when you attend your Church’s Sunday service.
Now, you could find text after text in the New Testament which shows you why that should not be the case. The gathering of the redeemed people of God is objectively presented in Scripture as beautiful, miraculous, and necessary. So how can you change your mindset as your approach weekly corporate worship? For me personally, one of the most helpful things to remember is every time your local Church gathers, it is an unrepeatable, unique day God sovereignly ordained for the praise of His glory and for your good.
Each Sunday service has a different spiritual and emotional emphasis
If you just look at the surface level, each Sunday service is similar. You gather. Sing songs. Listen to the word preach. But within every Church’s liturgy, I guarantee there is variety. The songs you might sing this week are centered around a certain topic, like Christ’s kingship. Perhaps there is a new song the worship leader will introduce to the congregation. The sermon text is different than last weeks or you reach a transition point in your Pastor’s sermon series.
Different songs and sermon texts change the spiritual and emotional emphasis in your worship. Maybe one week is a joy-filled service which focuses on the victory Christ has won on your behalf. But perhaps the very next week will emphasize the deceitfulness of sin and the need for you to examine your own heart. My point here is there is variety in each aspect of your Church’s typical order of service. And this variety allows your worship to change each Sunday service.
When you look at your Church bulletin, think about what unique songs and sermon God has prepared for you to sing and hear. See the differences between this week and previous weeks.
Personally, I find it helpful to read through my Church bulletin before it starts and see what songs I will be singing. Doing so helps me to quickly see what kind of service the Lord has prepared for me. My Church preaches verse by verse through books of the Bible, so I can generally expect what the sermon will be each week. However, reading the text before service gets me in the mindset of the text and helps me think about what unique features it has.
Your life circumstances change week-to-week
The songs and sermon don’t just change each week. You change too. Every single week you have gone through unique days with events and circumstances which have not occurred before. Maybe it was an encouraging, easy week full of spiritual victories, peace within your home, and success at work. The attitude you bring to Sunday service after such a week will be vastly different than if you had a week where the car broke down, you missed out on a promotion, and your kids would not listen to you.
The person you are grows and changes and falls under different influences each and every week. You bring this “new you” to every single new worship service. So as you are thinking through and participating in Sunday worship, be aware of what God is showing you about your particular, present life situation. Don’t settle for general feelings and vague applications. Pray that God would show you specifically what He is teaching you in each week’s worship service.
A good practice is to reflect on where you are at in your life and where God is growing you both before and after corporate worship.
For me personally, I like asking myself “why did God want me to hear this sermon this Sunday? What is going on in my life currently that He wanted me to hear that text?” after hearing my Church’s morning sermon. These questions help focus my mind on specifics in my life that God might be using the Church to address. An added benefit is I focus on the uniqueness of each Sunday’s worship rather than just listening to a sermon, checking the box, and moving on with my week.
The people you worship with change week-to-week
But corporate worship is not merely about you and your personal worship of Christ. It is more than that. Corporate worship is about the body of Christ coming together. And once you have this perspective, you realize the people you worship with change week-to-week. That might literally mean the specific people who attend your Church change. Perhaps a long-time faithful family leaves, creating a void. Or maybe a visitor comes who is eager to get connected.
But even if you don’t lose or gain any people in your congregation, I guarantee each and every member of your congregation has had a different week than the previous one. Just like you as an individual come to worship different each week based on your life circumstances, so too does all your fellow Church members. Having this knowledge adds an element of newness every single Sunday.
When you interact with Church members on a Sunday, approach your interactions with the same interest and excitement as if you are meeting a completely new person.
Every single individual in your Church is a “different person” than the one you worshiped with last week. Some have grown more Christlike. Others perhaps have been battling besetting sin every day this week. Don’t let a Sunday service pass by without getting to know fellow Church members anew. If you come to Church thinking no one has changed or grown, you will naturally assume talking with them will be boring or “same-old, same-old.” Remind yourself that every interaction with Church members around you has the potential for mutual encouragement and spiritual growth.
Conclusion: treat each Sunday service as unique
You cannot reconstruct a specific Sunday’s worship service. The songs and sermon are different. You as an individual are different. And each fellow Church member is different. So savor every time you get to worship with brothers and sisters in Christ. The day God has given you to worship Him together is entirely unique and you will not be able to replicate it once it is past.
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24 ESV
Remind yourself how special each Sunday service is. Remind yourself God, who rules all things, has ordained the day and all that goes one in it. Then, when you are tempted to see corporate worship as a chore or a box to check, you can remind yourself that God is the one who made the day. Notice this. And then rejoice and be glad each Sunday together with your fellow Church members.
Work. Vocation. Your 9 to 5. Most of us spend a good chunk of our week employed and exerting effort to benefit some company. Work is an ever present reality in most everyone’s lives, including Christians. It should come as no surprise, therefore, that Scripture contains extensive teaching on what work is, how to work, why you should work, and dozens of principles to help you understand how your day job fits into God’s larger plan for the world.
Tackling the Bible’s full teaching on work will take some time. For this post, I want to go through 3 New Testament verses that I think address Christians and their vocations. In particular, these three texts will focus on how God’s plan for the world and the gospel connect to your work.
God is sovereign over where you work
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10, ESV
Like any theology, a New Testament theology of vocation starts with God. Not just “God” in general, but what God has done through the gospel. Before you were saved, work was a way to gain money. Power. Status. Everything you did, including your work, was self-serving and devoid of proper motivation.
But after Christ transforms your life, saves you from your sin, and brings you into newness of life, work does not stop. Paul says in the verse above that God has prepared good works for you to do. Now, certainly this verse is speaking more broadly than your day job when it uses the term “good works”. But I think “good works” certainly includes what you do for 40+ hours every week.
Your vocation is not a distraction from serving God. Where you work is an integral part of God’s sovereign plan for how you are to serve Him.
To have a proper understanding of work, you have to start with answering the question “how did I find myself in my current job?” You can give a number of reasons, but fundamentally you must grasp God had planned your vocation before time began. He prepared the good works ahead of time for you. Your job is to be faithful to where He has placed you.
Christians are not self-sufficient workers
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:17, ESV
“Whatever you do” includes a lot of things. It is a broad category that almost certainly includes your vocation. Your work, therefore, is to be done “in the name of the Lord Jesus.” What does this mean? It seems like a very abstract phrase. When the New Testament talks about the “name of Jesus,” it says a number of things:
There is no other name that saves (Acts 4:12)
Jesus has the most exalted name (Philippians 2:9-11)
Believers are to ask things in Jesus name (John 14:13)
Calling upon the name of Jesus saves a person (Romans 10:13)
Signs and wonders in the New Testament were done in the name of Jesus (Acts 4:30)
I believe the last verse give us insight into what Paul might mean in Colossians 3:17. When the apostles performed signs, they did it through the “name of Jesus.” That simply means Jesus was the source, the one who empowered the signs. It was not by their own strength and ability that the apostles acted. How does this apply to normal work?
Dependence on Christ, not self-sufficiency, should characterize your work day.
When you pray in Jesus name, we are acknowledging it is not through our own efforts that you can approach God. Salvation comes through Jesus name because He is the source of salvation. Doing all things in Jesus’ name means acting in constant dependence on Him and His grace.
God’s glory is the goal of your vocation
What is your goal for your job? Climbing the ladder? Making more money? These are all false paths to happiness which will disappoint in the end. Christians have a deeper, unshakeable goal for their work.
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31, ESV
If you want to understand how the glory of God relates to everything, I recommend working through “The End for Which God Created the World” by Jonathan Edwards. Essentially, Edwards argues God created the world so that His attributes could be seen by His creation and that His creation should delight in those attributes. As the Westminster confession states, it is mankind’s “chief end”: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
It is easy to slip into the mindset that “glorifying God” takes place outside of work hours. Sure you can glorify God at Church or with your family, but sitting in front of a computer screen in a cubicle? But if Paul can command Christians to display and enjoy God’s attributes in something as mundane as “eating and drinking,” your vocation must also be centered around glorifying the Lord.
Start each new work day asking “how can I show through my work that God is infinitely valuable and glorious?”
Summary of doctrine
These are only three of numerous verses on vocation in the New Testament and the Bible as a whole. But I think they frame any discussion of work. How can we summarize and synthesize the truths given in these passages?
God provides Christians with their vocations and the power to perform their vocations to display His worth.
Christians have a fundamental new perspective of their jobs: they are from God. They have a new goal of working: to exalt and display God not self. And finally, Christians have been given the power of the gospel and of Christ to meet this new goal.
A few brief takeways
1. You are equipped to do your job in all the ways that matter
There is an obsession in America with productivity books. How to become a better worker. Books on successful leadership. How to develop marketable skills. These are all useful in a small way, but the good news of Scripture is “good work” isn’t measured by worldly success. It is measured by obedience to Christ.
You might not get that promotion. Perhaps you will never be the most skilled worker in your office. But if your goal is to display how marvelous and priceless Christ and the gospel are, then you have been given exactly what you need. Christ has given you “everything needed for life and godliness.” So yes, build up skills in your individual job. But always remember that it is Christ who equips you to do your work for God’s glory. No book, other than Scripture, can help you become “successful” in that.
2. Don’t focus on getting your “perfect dream job.” Focus instead on what God would have you do in the job you have now.
There is always a “better job” out there somewhere. The grass is always greener on the other side. A lot of times, how much you enjoy your current job can become the determining factor in how hard you work. For Christians, this should not be the case. You don’t need your perfect dream job to be happy. You need to start focusing on glorifying God in the job you have.
A lot of times, how you talk about your job and how much you enjoy are job is connected solely to yourself. How you feel. What you think of the job. But if you understand that God has chosen to place you in your current job, your perspective changes. Instead of asking God “why do you have me working here?” you ask “how do you want me to serve you today in this job?”
God didn’t mess up in placing you in your current vocation. Pray that He would show you what good works He has for you in your current workplace.
There is a lot more to investigate in Scripture about vocation and God’s purposes in work. But for now, remember that God has a plan for where you are working and has given you power through Jesus to go to your job seeking to display God’s glory. Don’t get caught up in working for yourself only. Pray that God would give you eyes to see how your work is a means by which He blesses the world, displays His attributes, and calls people to faith in Christ.
Read this post if you want more of my thoughts on Christians and work. Check out the “Thoughts” page for more topical reflections on life. Be sure to follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get post updates and recommended resources.
I recently went to Charleston, South Carolina this past week to celebrate one year of marriage with my wife. It was a wonderful trip. My wife and I love the Southeast with its slow pace of life, beautiful moss covered trees, and sandy beaches along the coast. Coming back from the trip, I couldn’t help but think of the blessings of a good vacation. God truly uses all things to conform us to the image of His Son, and vacations are no different.
Good vacations remind you the world is full of God’s glory
My normal work day is incredibly predictable. I wake up in the same bed, get in my car, drive along the same road, park in a normal parking lot, walk the same sidewalk into the building, sit in my cubicle, and spend the day working on my computer monitors which stare lifelessly back at me.
It can be very difficult to remember the Bible says God’s glory fills the whole world when your world is so small. But Scripture repeatedly reminds the Christian that God’s glory is everywhere.
And one called out to another and said, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of hosts, The whole earth is full of His glory.”
Isaiah 6:3, emphasis added
One of the blessings of a good vacation is it reminds you that this verse is actually true. When I am caught up in my “usual daily grind,” it is so easy to miss the glory that is all around me. It is so easy to want to get to my desk and computer instead of pondering how “the heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.”
Vacations give you a new place, a new context to see this reality. To “see and savor” God’s glory in the world you live in. Seeing new trees, going new places, tasting new foods in Charleston reminded me that God’s world is so much bigger and more glorious than the small corner where I live.
The best vacations give you a chance to enjoy God’s glory in a new place. Even vacations should become avenues to worship.
Good vacations increase your appreciation for the home you have
I don’t know why it is, but one of my favorite blessings of a good vacation is returning home. There is really no feeling like it. You have gone someplace new and enjoyed God’s glory in a new context. But something inside you longs to still go back to the familiar. And when you do, those day to day things you took for granted you start noticing again.
I personally have found myself thanking the Lord for “normal daily blessings” more after coming back from vacation. A job that I like. Coffee brewed myself instead of at a shop. Cooking a meal. Before vacation, these things can seem frustratingly normal and unexciting. But after wandering the wide world and returning to the comforts of your home, all of a sudden you appreciate those comforts all the more.
Before my wife and I left on vacation, we read a “Liturgy for Leaving on a Holiday” from “Every Moment Holy.” One of the ending passages sums up perfectly my feelings on vacations and returning home afterwards:
Bless our journey and our arrival.
Bless our days spent away.
And bless our eventual passage home, that we might return as those who have been revived…(with) strength renewed to shoulder once more the meaningful labor assigned to us in this season.
Every Moment Holy Volume 1, pp 72 Douglas Kaine McKelvey
Vacation revives you to see the meaningful work, meaningful life, meaningful location which the Lord has given you. Sometimes it takes leaving what we take for granted to grow our appreciation for what we have. Good vacations give you the opportunity to return home after your journey and take stock of “every good gift” the Lord has given you.
Good vacations give you the rest needed to keep running the race
Much more could be said about work and rest and how they are discussed in Scripture. One of the blessings of a vacation the rest you receive. Life can become very discouraging and overwhelming, even for a believer. Before I left for my vacation, I had probably the most stressful and discouraging day at work that I have ever had.
But a few days away has allowed me to return to my job with a proper attitude and energy to tackle the problems at hand. The best vacations, in my opinion, are not merely “trips” where you go someplace and fill every second of your schedule with things to see and do. Vacations in my definition should include an element of rest. Why? Because even the most zealous, ministry-minded believers sometimes need to pause.
And (Jesus) said to (His disciples), “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.
Mark 6:31 ESV
Even Jesus planned rest for Himself and His disciples. The best vacations don’t leave you feeling empty when you return home. Vacations are a way for you to catch your breath, refocus on the Lord, and then return home with renewed conviction and purpose.
The Lord can use vacations as a powerful tool to keep you running the race of faith with endurance.
Conclusion
There are certainly more blessings brought about through vacations. The three I have given here are just my personal reflections the day after I got back from Charleston. I have found myself noticing the glory of the Lord around me in creation more frequently, I have become more grateful for good gifts God has given me, and I feel rested and ready for the tasks God has given me.
My hope is that you too will reflect as you take vacations this summer. What is the Lord teaching you? How do vacations aid you in your ultimate purpose of glorifying God and enjoying Him forever? What is the spiritual benefit of this vacation?
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV
May even our vacations become avenues to glorify our great God.
As hard as it is to believe, I have almost been out of school working at my current job for two years. When I was an engineering student at Cedarville University, I memorized Proverbs 22:29 for a class. It has been in my mind since as a vital verse on what faithfulness in work looks like.
Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.
Proverbs 22:29, ESV
I thought about his Proverb many times since memorizing it. I never expected to live it out less than two years into my career.
In a previous post, I talked about my personal struggle with staying an engineering major. I desperately wanted to switch to Biblical studies, or a type of major I would enjoy more. But in God’s providence, I stuck it out and already I seen the opportunities He has given me. Opportunities I would not have gotten if I had not completed my engineering program.
In March 2021, I met and received a coin from General Raymond, the highest-ranking officer in the US Space Force, in recognition of my work. It was a great honor; one I couldn’t imagine receiving as a student. I certainly didn’t have many “goals” for my job right out of college. When you first graduate, you have no idea if you will even like your first job, much less be good at it.
Through this experience and two years of working out of college, the Lord has taught me three lessons about faithfulness in work. I would share these thoughts with any student at my Church or any professional early in his or her career.
Lesson 1: You don’t change the world your first day on the job
Building relationships, respect, & skill takes time
I disliked my job for the first couple months. It was uncomfortable, I had no idea what I was doing, and I clearly knew the least of anyone in my office. I had no idea what faithfulness in work meant for me. Suffice to say, this was wake-up call after being told for four years that I would graduate and “change the world for Jesus.” Certainly I wanted to, but it’s hard to change anything when you know almost nothing about your job and other people don’t know or respect you.
It takes time. My first year was God teaching me to slow down, practice patience, and wait on Him. I came to realize no one hired me to change the world. No one wanted me to change the office culture or lead my first day in the building. They wanted me to build relationships and skills. And it took some time.
Don’t get discouraged your first year or so in your job. Focus on getting to know the people God has you working with and developing the skills necessary to do your job well.
If you start working out of college with unrealistic expectations, it is easy to get discouraged. You start to ask “is it God’s will that I work here? Did I make the right decision?” Don’t think that just because you are uncomfortable that it isn’t God’s will. Stick with it. Faithfulness in work is a long-term goal.
If you honestly want to reflect Christ to your coworkers and have opportunities to speak about Him, focus less on “doing big things for Jesus” and instead get to know everyone in your office. Get to know their names. Practice humility by admitting you don’t know everything and that you need help. Learn from others.
God gives the opportunities. Work hard at them when they come.
There is only so much you can control. A trap I feel into when I first started working is trying to control what opportunities I got. But trying to manipulate situations to get opportunities to prove yourself is exhausting and often ineffective. Two years into my job, I see that every “impactful” opportunity I have been given so far has been from the Lord. I didn’t force my way into them, He sovereignly gave them to me.
But just getting the opportunity wasn’t enough. I also had to work hard when I was given opportunities. You have to be faithful when God gives you opportunities. I think that starts with gratitude: thanking the Lord for giving you the chance to be on a cool project or move up in the company. Then, you have to actually take whatever opportunity and work hard at it with all the skills God has allowed you to develop.
Hold these two truths always in your mind: you are not responsible for the opportunities you receive but you are responsible for how hard you work at those opportunities.
That is why it is so crucial to focus on developing skills and relationships when you first start your job. If you focus on chasing respect or “impact” or opportunities right away, you won’t have time to develop real skill at your job. If you really want to be respected at work, don’t aim at respect. Aim at becoming skilled. If you have not read the famous C. S. Lewis essay “The Inner Ring” I highly recommend it. It is a convincing argument for aiming at developing skill rather than aiming at being known or forcing your way into situations.
Develop a reputation as a teachable person, a hard-working person, and a caring person your first year.
Wait on the Lord. Be patient. Nowhere has God promised that you would change the world your first day at work. So trust Him and develop skill so when He gives you opportunities, you will be ready.
Lesson 2: A Christian work ethic stands out
Christians have a deeper motivation for work
I work with a lot of high-performing, intelligent unbelievers. And quite honestly, I didn’t expect that to be the case based off what I heard at my Christian University. A lot of times, it seems Christians tell young people there are a few simple steps to having impact at work:
Get hired
Out-perform everyone in your office
Wait for unbelievers to ask you “why are you so amazing at your job?”
Share the gospel with them and repeat
Implied in this oversimplified profess is that you as a believer will naturally be better than anyone else at your job. That simply is not true, especially if STEM fields. In fact, it may never be true. There are a lot of incredibly motivated, hardworking, smart unbelievers who you might never match in terms of work performance.
Christians are not guaranteed to outperform every unbeliever in their office. They are called to have a deeper motivation for the work they do.
That is what separates me from the unbelievers are work. Motivation. As a Christian, you are called to work to the glory of God rather than working to elevate self. It is that simple. In an office where unbelievers boast in self, are focused on money or power, and are driven solely by their own goals, Christians are called to boast only in Christ, focus on pleasing God, and are driven by a theology of work that centers on God’s glory.
When you are driven by God’s glory, you will naturally work hard and produce excellent products. Why? Because God’s glory is infinitely worthy and you as a Christian understand your job is to bear that image and display God’s worth in all that you do. Don’t compare your level of success to unbelievers success to stand out. Let your motivation be clear to those around you, then back it up with action.
Work as if you know and worship an infinitely glorious God and you will stand out in your office, even if you never are the smartest or most successful.
Christians have a God-centered perspective of circumstances
Everyone wants recognition for their work. It is natural in many ways. Besides what motivates you, another way the Christian work ethic stands out is how you deal with recognition or the lack of recognition. For the unbeliever, discouragement and bitterness are proper reactions to negative circumstances at work. Working with difficult people. Getting passed up for a promotion. Not enjoying a project. All of these are just a few examples of situation where the unbeliever looks at a situation and sees simply a roadblock to what they want.
Christians, on the other hand, worship a God who works all things together for their good. Not their success or comfort or pleasure. Their good. And what is that good?
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
Romans 8:28-29, ESV emphasis added
The greatest good God can give us is to make us more like Jesus. So what will the Christian do when the promotion goes to someone else? Keep working hard for God’s glory.
Christian’s don’t let circumstances affect their work. They trust the Lord and keep being faithful.
If you have a rock-solid view of God’s providence in all areas of life, when you don’t get the results you want at work, you won’t despair. You won’t give up. Simply trust the Lord, and keep working. And if you do get the promotion or recognition, you will see that that too is a gift from the Lord. You won’t boast or obsess with promoting yourself. The Christian humbly thanks the Lord for any recognition, draws attention to the motivation for why they work, and then continues to do what God has called them to.
Lesson 3: Serving God looks like one day of faithfulness in work at a time
Noah building the ark is a good example of faithfulness in work
We all love big acts of faithfulness. Martin Luther nailing the 95 theses to the chapel door. Jonathan Edwards preaching and revival breaking out. I could go on. But I think the best biblical example to set our expectation for what faithfulness looks like is Noah. Noah built an ark and condemned the world. That is a pretty monumental act of faithfulness to God.
But ask yourself: did Noah build that ark in a day? Of course not, it took years. Then what did “every day” faithfulness to God look like for Noah? Cut down a tree, use it to build a little more of the ark. Every day was not a big act of faithfulness for Noah. But everyday the little things Noah did demonstrated his faith in God’s promises and built towards the big memorable act of faithfulness: the ark.
I think this is a powerful metaphor for how the Christians should view work. Serving God takes place one day at a time, one act of faithfulness at a time. Faithfulness in work begins with asking yourself each day “What trees does God want me to chop down today? What larger things has He called me to that this tree will help build?”
As you start each new work day, look for small acts of faithfulness God has called you to for that day specifically. Then, think through what those daily acts of faithfulness could be building towards.
Next time your are tempted to think there isn’t a lot of big ways to glorify God at work today, think of Noah. Remind yourself that for a long time faithfulness looked like daily finding a tree and chopping it down.
Aim at the next act of faithfulness, not big awards
We all want to do “big things” for the Lord. But practically, what does that look like? Waking up each day, committing it to Jesus, then doing the next thing He calls you to. Don’t aim at getting awards, money, or recognition. Aim at giving Jesus your best each and every day at your job.
If you are obsessed with recognition and awards and reputation, it will be very difficult for you to stand out as a Christian in your job. Everyone wants those things. There is nothing naturally Christian about craving success and status. Self-focusedness and self-motivation are the obsessions of the sinful world system, not of Scripture. So if you are not aiming at awards, what should you aim at? Jesus gives us an answer:
One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.
Luke 16:10, ESV
When glorifying God is your aim, no task is unimportant or too small. You don’t cut corners because you can get away with it. Smaller projects aren’t a burden to you. Why? Because as a Christian you see every opportunity, no matter how small, as a way to display Christ and His glory. And there is a further promise and warning Jesus gives:
For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.
Matthew 13:12, ESV
When you work hard for God’s glory in little things, it has been my personal experience that God gives you more opportunities to glorifying Him. Matthew 13:12 has become real to me these past two years working. If you aim at daily working hard and glorifying God, God will be faithful to give you further opportunities to do so.
Faithfulness in Work: Summary & Conclusion
I opened this post with a Proverb:
Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.
Proverbs 22:29, ESV
I have seen this Proverb become a reality in my experience, even within my first two years working. But when I reflect on how God brought me here, it wasn’t the way I expected. “Standing before kings” came from focusing on developing skill rather than having “impact”, trying to be motivated by God’s glory rather than selfish goals, and aiming at daily faithfulness in the small things rather than trying to achieve big awards.
I don’t know what God has called you to work at. But I hope these brief lessons I have learned are an encouragement to you. Not every day at work is easy and I fall short of all these rules practically every week. But as a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit in you, a God who says “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” and a Savior who said “Lo, I am with you always even to the end of the age.” Faithfulness in work is only possible because of the faithfulness of God.
Let’s get to work.
Click here to read my other reflections on circumstances God has brought me through. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram so you don’t miss out on new content.
The Only Christian Dating and Marriage Books You’ll Need
Navigating romantic relationships is difficult for anyone. Christian couples are no exception. If you were to go to the “Christian section” of a book store, you would likely find many Christian dating and marriage books. Many are helpful. Some are not. And discerning which books are worth your time can become a difficult task.
I often think about Ecclesiastes 12:2 when I see how many Christian dating and marriage books are written.
Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
Ecclesiastes 12:2b, ESV
My wife and I were blessed to have several solid Christian dating and marriage books recommended to us throughout our relationship. What makes these books so good is how Biblically sound and practically helpful they are. My recommendation is to not wear yourself out by studying a whole library full of Christian dating and marriage books.
These four books will get you into Scripture, will get you thinking about your relationship, and will get you talking with your partner about how and why you do what you do.
This book is not just for girls. I think every Christian should read this book before dating and most certainly after they have started to seriously get to know someone. It is rare you read a book so thoroughly biblical while also being so completely practical. I asked my now wife to read this book when we first started dating so she could evaluate me as a man. And I read it before I started dating my now wife to make sure I was not falling into sins or patterns of behavior that were contrary to Scripture.
The heart of the book contains character sketches of the types of guys Christian girls should not date. A few of the “wrong guys” include
The Control Freak
The New Convert
The Long Ranger
The Passive Man
The Unteachable Guy
And so on. The book is filled to the brim with Biblical wisdom, particularly in the area of relationships we often need the most guidance: discernment.
Biblically-informed discernment is vital early in a relationship. Unfortunately, it is often difficult to get the clarity you need early on.
“She’s Got the Wrong Guy” will help you see clearly whether you should continue dating a guy (if you are a woman) or is you are the type of guy a girl should date (if you are a man). The book also includes a super practical ending section on how to break up in a God-honoring way and includes a thorough study of what the Bible has to say about waiting.
I could not recommend this book enough. Get it, read it, discuss it, then pass it off to other couples. It is biblical, clarifying, and encouraging all at the same time.
My wife loves Elisabeth Elliot. So when we had just started dating, she wanted me to read “Passion & Purity”. In return, I asked her to read “She’s Got the Wrong Guy.” When I started “Passion & Purity”, I was a little suspicious. I never agreed with Joshua Harris or the dogmatic subset of the “courtship culture.” I was worried Elisabeth Elliot would fall into one of those two camps.
But I was wrong. The book is Elliot telling her love story all for the purpose of offering an encouragement to Christian couples: “It is possible to love passionately and to stay out of bed.” That is the first theme in the book. You can love someone passionately and still honor the Lord. As a romantic person by nature, I found this refreshing. Christian dating didn’t have to be emotionless or excessively guarded. I could pursue my now wife passionately and fervently without thinking that it was sinful to do so or would necessarily lead to sin.
A second major theme in this book is waiting. Honestly, the best and most biblical Christian dating books I have read have made waiting on the Lord a central theme. And “Passion & Purity” is no exception. Just hearing the long wait Elisabeth and Jim had to endure illustrated how to wait well for God to bring you into marriage. Books like this help set your expectations in dating. Waiting is the norm. Patience is one of the best fruits of the Spirit you can cultivate both before dating and during dating.
The third theme in “Passion & Purity” is obedience and self-sacrifice. Elisabeth writes dogmatically, apologetically, and directly. This can turn off many modern readers who are accustomed to reading books which are non-confrontational, which hedge their bets, which are careful not to state anything too strongly. Don’t read “Passion & Purity” to get a lot of “exceptions to the rule” or “gray areas.”
Elisabeth Elliot will tell you straight up that following Christ requires you to die to yourself. Dating is no exception.
Now, I did not agree with every single minute thing in “Passion & Purity”. The only way you can make this book unhelpful is if you accept every little thing Elliot says as prescriptive. I don’t think that was her purpose in the book. Glean wisdom from her experience, and think deeply about the Biblical truths she applies to dating. If you do that, you will likely come away with a more biblical perspective of relationships than what you had before you read the book.
When my wife and I were engaged, this book was recommended to us by practically every solid Christian we knew. I normally am suspicious when a book is a “must read”. But in this case, the recommendations we received were spot on. I have read a ton of books in my life so far. But I can safely say this is in the top 5 best books I have ever read. Easily. Every Christian should read it, even if they aren’t currently in a relationship.
I don’t use “Gospel-centered” very often. But I can truly say the Gospel is in every page of this book. I have never read a book that meditates so deeply on the gospel and then applies it so thoroughly to an aspect of the Christian’s life. My wife and I read it together before we were married and we still reference it in our marriage.
Every chapter focuses on a specific topic related to marriage and builds on the previous chapter. Most of the chapters have a memorable story to serve as an example, an exposition of a Bible passage, and then concludes with how living out that passage might look in your marriage. Harvey is an excellent writer who words things in memorable ways.
Once you read this book, you will start noticing in your marriage the ways you are falling short of God’s standard. But you will also see how the gospel covers and empowers you to reflect Christ and the Church in your relationship. If I had to pick out once foundational quote to summarize the book, it would be
Mercy sweetens marriage.
Where it is absent, two people flog one another over everything from failure to fix the faucet to phone bills. But where it is present, marriage grows sweeter and more delightful, even in the face of challenges, setbacks, and the persistent effects of our remaining sin.
When Sinners Say I Do, emphasis added
Read this book. Your eyes will open to what Scripture has to say about your marriage.
To end this post, I want to give a final practical tool my wife and I use in our marriage. “The Marriage Journal” isn’t a book to read as much as it is a set of weekly questions to ask each other. Every week you fill out a calendar of things you are going to do that week, read a short devotional, and then ask each other 6 questions:
What brought you joy this week?
What was hard this week?
What is one thing I can do for you this week?
Is there any unconfessed sin, conflict, or hurt that we need to resolve and/or seek forgiveness for?
What is a dream, craving, or desire that has been on the forefront of your mind?
How can I pray for you this week?
Why do I love this resource? It has helped my wife and I maintain a pattern of communication throughout our marriage. There have been countless important conversations that have come about simply from doing this journal week after week. An added bonus is you get to look back and see what you were doing, what you were thinking, and what you were going through that year.
This is a frequent wedding gift we purchase for people because we have seen the benefits of weekly communication. No matter where you are at in your marriage, scheduling time for serious conversation and reflection will benefit you and your spouse.
So those are the Christian dating and marriage books I recommend. And I don’t often recommend any other books besides these for couples. I find that they give enough wisdom, biblical insight, and practical application to guide you through dating and into marriage.
Do you have any Christian dating or marriage books that you find helpful? Let me know what they are!Click here to see my other book recommendations.
I graduated in May 2019. My college major was Mechanical Engineering. If you had asked me in the middle of getting my degree, I would have told you that I wanted desperately to change my major to Biblical studies. Engineering was tough. It took a lot of time. I wanted to be a pastor. Technology didn’t excite me. But I didn’t switch my college major.
Why didn’t I change to a major I would enjoy better? The immediate reason was the advice I got from the Elders at my Church. They said I should finish my degree. I could get a MDiv later if needed. Not everyone could get an engineering degree. Finish what I started. The advice frustrated me at the time, but it kept me in Mechanical engineering.
But the ultimate reason I didn’t switch my college major was God’s sovereign will in my life. Looking back now, I can see several reasons why He led me to stick with engineering. I know a lot of people who struggle with whether they should switch their college major or not. I hope some of the lessons I personally learned will help you or help you counsel those in your Church who are having to make tough decisions about college degrees and future career choices.
God has purposes beyond what you can see in the moment
A question I asked myself often in college was “why am I in engineering? Why did God lead me to choose this major starting out?” After all, when you are a new high school graduate, you barely know what the world is like, much less knowing what career you want to pursue. I chose engineering initially because it paid well and I was good at math. That was it. Nothing overly spiritual at all.
Then as I went through college, the Lord grew me through local Church involvement. I read rich theological books. My passion was for the Church, for teaching, for studying Scripture. I met one of my best friends who was getting his Biblical studies degree. And let me tell you, our conversations about the Word were far more engaging than anything I was doing or learning in engineering.
I asked God “Why would you have me in a degree I’m not passionate about?” I came to realize this was the wrong question to ask. God’s will, not my passion, is the ultimate driver in my life.
Looking back now, the question I should have asked was simply “Lord, how can I glorify you in my degree I am currently in?” I could have switched my college major at any time. But I didn’t. And it is only now, two years after graduation, that I begin to see God’s purposes for keeping me in engineering. Purposes which were invisible to me at the time. An engineering degree:
Allowed me to get a job out near my local Church so I could serve as a deacon there
Gave me an income to support a wife and family right out of college. Which is good, because I got married a year after graduating and my wife is having our first child this coming fall.
Enabled me to get a job I do, in fact, love. I never ever dreamed in a hundred years I would find an engineering job I would like. God proved me wrong.
There are more reasons, but these three serve to illustrate a principle.
Don’t judge where God has you based on what you know now or feel now. God has plans and purposes for your current circumstances beyond what you understand right now. Trust Him.
Serving God is a present-tense activity. And you can serve God no matter where you are at.
I was almost certain in college that the best way I could serve the Lord is by becoming a pastor as soon as humanly possible. Of course, I wasn’t really certain of God’s will. I was just certain of what I wanted. And what I wanted was to “do big things for Jesus” by becoming a pastor. It was so simple! If God would just let me get a bible degree, I would go off to seminary, then serve Him.
Serve God on His terms, not your own terms.
What God has taught me looking back is I can’t put conditions or timelines on when and how I would serve Him. Serving God is a present tense activity. Saying you will serve God tomorrow or sometime in the future isn’t obedience. Today, with what opportunities God has given you now, you must obey Scripture, follow Christ, and preach the gospel.
I thought I had to have a certain degree to serve the Lord well. That wasn’t true. All I needed was to wake up each day and say “Lord, how would you have me glorify you with this day?”
I know a lot of people who switched their majors based on some abstract idea that a certain major would equip them to serve God better. Maybe that was true. But having graduated, I find that the thing you need most for serving God is present-tense obedience. Specific skills might help you to be sure.
But at the end of the day don’t switch your college major because you feel that you need a certain one thing you desire to serve God. When I look at my local Church, I see a combination of dozens of people who have different vocations, callings, family situations and backgrounds. Each one can serve the Lord. Today. Why? Because God has already given us everything we need to serve Him.
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence
2 Peter 1:3, ESV
So don’t stress out about what major your are currently in or which one you want to change to. Focus on serving God in the present and He will direct you.
The Church benefits from all kinds of skills, not just teaching and preaching
As I said before, the local Church is filled with people from different backgrounds. I didn’t switch my college major to Biblical studies, so now my local Church has a member who is trained as an engineer. Is that type of training a waste? Is it a purely “secular” vocation? Are my skills inapplicable to the Church?
No. I would argue the local Church benefits from a large collection of skills, vocations, and backgrounds. The Bible presents both unity and diversity as glorifying to the Lord.
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.
Ephesians 4:4-7, ESV
Christianity does not erase your individuality, but nor does it make your individuality the most important thing.
Let me give an example. A couple months ago, the deacons at my Church decided to fix a ramp at my Church. Now, none of the deacons have any background in construction or painting. But the Lord brought several skilled men to our Church who do have those skills. And those skills were leveraged to bless the body.
So the question is: what if those men had not spent the time to develop those skills? What if everyone in the body only had MDiv’s and nothing else? I would argue that would be a disservice to the Church body. The individual skills God gives to each believer are for building up His Church. And those skills include “secular” ones.
Ask yourself “How might the skills from this degree bless the body? How can I do the most good to the most amount of people, believers and nonbelievers?”
I have learned that mechanical engineers can bless the Church, serve the Lord, and worship Christ just as much as any other college degree. God does not call all of us to the same thing. And praise God for it! It creates a beautiful diversity in the Church!
Conclusion
There are more lessons I learned when I look back on my college experience. But ultimately, I am glad I didn’t switch my college major. God used the struggle, the perseverance, and the (often) disappointment of engineering to shape me into who I am today. I realize now God had larger purposes than I could see in college. Sticking with engineering forced me to focus on serving the Lord with what I had, not with what I wanted. And finally, I see now God has given me unique skills to serve the local body. Skills I wouldn’t have if I didn’t complete an engineering degree.
Whether you end up sticking with or changing you college major, whether you stay in your current job or leave it, just remember what Paul told the Church in Corinth:
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31, ESV
Glorify God, pursue Christ, and love the local Body where you are at. God will take care of the rest.
Click here to read some of my other reflections on experiences I have had. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get updated whenever a new post comes out.
Reading is one of my favorite things to do. My shelves are full of books I have read, books I am reading, and books I want to read in the future. As Easter approaches, I thought I would give four Christ centered books I recommend reading.
In this post, I will go through each of the books and give a brief summary of what I personally found helpful. Each of these Christ centered books have helped me understand Jesus and His work at a deeper level. I hope they will help you in the same way.
I picked up this book for a dollar or so at a book sale. After reading it, I would have paid a whole lot more for this gem of a book. The book focuses exclusively on seven last phrases Jesus said on the cross as recorded in the four gospels. Because of the way it is structured, it is an incredibly easy book to read and think through.
The demands of justice must be met; the requirements of God’s holiness must be satisfied; the awful debt we incurred must be paid. And on the Cross this was done; done by none less than the Son of God; done perfectly; done once for all. “It is finished.”
A W Pink
I absolutely loved this Christ centered book. By expounding each of these seven sayings, Pink shows you as a reader what Jesus accomplished through His death. Each saying is a jumping off point for a larger discussion of Christ’s character, His work, and His heart towards those around Him. I recommend this book frequently and if you want a book to focus your mind on Christ, it is an amazing Easter read.
This is a lesser known book, but it is rich in teaching. Essentially, the book is a Biblical Theology of “blood” through the entirety of the Bible. In tracing “blood” through Scripture, Stibbs helps you understand the significance and importance of Jesus having to shed His blood for our sins.
Blood is a vivid word symbol for referring to someone’s violent death and for connecting other people with the consequences (positive or negative) resulting from it.
Alan Stibbs
The book is very short and consumable. You could read through it in a day, or stretch it out a couple days if you want. Stibbs shows you just how important Christ shedding His blood is to Christianity. It isn’t “cosmic child abuse” or disgusting to talk about and sing about Jesus shedding His blood for believers. It is the heart of the Gospel.
This small book is a well-written and insightful introduction to Christology. It is one of the most Christ-centered books I have read in the past few years. I enjoyed it so much I read the whole book in one night! The thesis statement of the book is simply Christianity is Christ. Christ isn’t a part of Christianity. He is the whole thing.
…the center, the cornerstone, the jewel in the crown of Christianity is not an idea, a system or a thing; it is not even “the gospel” as such. It is Jesus Christ.
Micheal Reeves
The book goes through why Jesus had to be fully God, fully man, Jesus death and resurrection, what Jesus doing now, and Jesus’ second coming. All in 133 pages. If anyone is a new believer, or a believer who just wants to get back to the heart of the Christian faith, I recommend reading this book. It is one of those books you can read multiple times and still be encouraged for each reading. It is also accessible enough that I would recommend giving it out for free at your Church if possible.
Spurgeon’s whole ministry was Christ centered. Every sermon pointed to Jesus and the gospel. This little volume contains seven “sermons” on different things Christ accomplished. It is another short book, only 113 pages but rich in theology. Sometimes, I find Spurgeon a little flowery in his preaching, but this volume represents his preaching at its best. I found the chapters on Christ the destroyer of death and the maker of all things new particularly edifying.
When Christ died He suffered the penalty of death on behalf of all His people, and therefore no believer now dies by way of punishment for sin, since we cannot dream that a righteous God would twice exact the penalty for one offense.
Charles Spurgeon
I recommend reading one sermon per day as a devotional leading up to Easter. It will help you focus your mind on what Christ actually did. This book turns your heart towards worship with every sermon and will deepen your wonder at all Jesus did for His Church.
Those are my book recommendations for Easter reading. I hope you choose one to read through.
May 23, 2020. That was the date I got married. Now and for all my life, my wife and I will be lumped into the category of “COVID wedding.” There is much I could write about how COVID changed our plans and affected our wedding. But as I approach my 1 year wedding anniversary, there are several unexpected lessons God taught my wife and me through it all.
In this post, I want to give you some of my personal thoughts on how God used my COVID wedding to sanctify me and my wife. I think one of the most helpful disciplines Christians can have is reflecting back on past circumstances. When you and I reflect, even in the most inconvenient of circumstances we can see God’s abundant faithfulness.
With that said, here are three very personal lessons I learned from having a wedding during COVID.
Lesson #1: God gets to choose how I glorify Him
What is my ultimate purpose in all I do?
Tough circumstances cause you to question your life. My wife and I (mainly my wife) had spent months planning our wedding. My wife got almost everything lined up months ahead of time. Venues where chosen. Deposits were made. My wife even designed the wedding invitations and save the dates.
Then it all changed.
Within a few weeks, my wife and I saw almost every single one of our plans come tumbling down. There were days and days of tears and fragile hopes. But within the sudden change, there was one question my wife and I kept coming back to:
What is our goal of this wedding? Is our ultimate goal God getting glorified or us getting the plans we made?
A lot of times, you go through life just doing things. Making plans. Climbing up the ladder at work. Attending Church as a habit. The question of why you do what you do sometimes goes unanswered in the day to day mundane.
Sometimes it takes difficult circumstances to cause you to stop and ask “Why am I doing this? Am I living for God’s glory, or not?”
That is what having a COVID wedding caused my wife and I to ask. In the middle of what could have been a very easy and self-focused season of life, God brought about circumstances which forced us to reflect.
Theology can become scary when it comes to life
I love talking about God’s sovereignty. I love talking about how the goal of all of life is to bring God glory. It is easy to talk about these truths to others and sing them on a Sunday morning service.
Then, in March 2020, these truths came to life. I had casually affirmed God’s sovereignty, but it is easy to affirm such a doctrine when you feel you have control over your life. COVID changed all that. All of a sudden, I woke up and my life was not in my control.
And wake up I did. A wedding is something, above all else, you feel like you “deserve” control over. After all, you have waited your whole life for this day! There is never going to be a day like it again! Doesn’t God owe it to you to give you the freedom you need to make it how you want it?
God is either always sovereign all the time or He isn’t. Affirming this truth is completely different than seeing it in your life.
Seeing God actually exercise His free will over my life was scary. I can’t lie and say that it wasn’t. But as time went on, my wife and I came to realize we were shouldn’t be surprised. We were just seeing the truths we already knew being played out in our lives.
Even though it can be scary when God interferes with your life, even that is a grace. God is reminding you who is King of the world. Of your life. And it isn’t you or me.
You cannot control when God interferes with your life or your plans. You can only choose if you will respond in worship, or with bitterness. God is still King regardless.
Two verses that anchored my heart
Thankfully, in the struggle and surprise of planning a wedding during COVID, God did not leave my wife and I without encouragement. God doesn’t just bring things into our life and not also give us the comfort we need. There were two verses in particular that anchored my heart during all the change and disorientation.
The first passage was the final few verses in Habakkuk. Talk about a Bible passage coming to life! I had read Habakkuk several times before, but all of a sudden the verses seemed alive and leapt out of the page.
Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the field produces no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will triumph in Yahweh; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation! Yahweh my Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights!
Habakkuk 3:17-19, HCSB emphasis added
I don’t know about you, but when COVID hit I felt like the fig tree wasn’t budding. I felt like there were no sheep in the pen. It felt like circumstances were falling apart left and right. In short, I felt a lot like Habakkuk in this passage.
But look at the answer Habakkuk comes to: he will triumph in the Lord. Even in the midst of disastrous circumstances. When the worst happens, God is still the source of our salvation. And not only our salvation; the Lord is our strength as well. We don’t get through suffering on our own; God empowers us to walk through it.
These verses comforted me during COVID’s initial quarantine. But as the wedding approached, the question my wife and I had to answer was “should we move our wedding? Should we stick to the same day? What does God want from us?” And it was the final section of the gospel of John which helped us.
(Jesus) said this to signify by what kind of death (Peter) would glorify God. After saying this, He told him, “follow me”…
When Peter saw (John), he said to Jesus, “Lord-what about him?”
“If I want him to remain until I come,” Jesus answered, “what is that to you? As for you, follow Me.”
John 21:19, 21-22
I can’t describe to you the encouragement the Lord gave my wife and I through these verses. In this passage, Jesus tells Peter “by what kind of death he would glorify God.” Peter responds to this by asking about John. Will John die in the same way? What is God’s plan for John’s life?
Jesus response is simply “Don’t worry about John. Follow me.” God gets to choose how Peter glorifies Him. God gets to choose how John glorifies Him. The only responsibility both Peter and John is following Jesus.
As my wife and I looked at our wedding plans, we were constantly tempted to compare our wedding to “normal weddings.” Would we get to have the same amount of guests? Could we have a reception? What about all the joy and attention guests give the bride and groom?
God’s answer to us in this passage: Don’t worry about other people’s weddings or how they happen. Worry about how the Lord wants you to glorify Him in your wedding.
It was a perspective-shifting verse. It isn’t about whether our wedding is “normal” or whether we get the wedding other people get. All that matters is glorifying God with the circumstances He has given us.
God gives different people different circumstances, gifts, & opportunities. That shouldn’t be your main focus. Focus on stewarding what God has given you
God gets to choose how you glorify Him. Period. Once my wife and I realized a COVID wedding was God’s choice for us, we were able to accept his will and move on from there. We stopped asking “why us God?” and starting asking “what do you want us to do?”
Lesson #2: There are blessings when you accept God’s will
There are opportunities even in the worst circumstances
Once my wife and I accepted that a COVID wedding was God’s will for us, we started seeing opportunities God gave us within our circumstances. The first opportunity was getting to live-stream our wedding. We had friends around the world serving the Lord who could not have made it to an in-person wedding. When COVID hit, my Church like so many others was forced to start live-streaming its services.
Live-streaming our wedding allowed people who either could not have made it to our wedding or who we could not have invited because of limited Church space to watch and enjoy our wedding. In an ironic way, although we could only have immediate family physically at our ceremony, more people saw our wedding because of COVID. People which included my unsaved family from across the country. Unsaved friends who might not have been able to attend had time to watch our wedding.
A God-centered life sees purpose and intentionality in everything. Even situations which you would not have wanted for yourself.
Not only were more people able to “attend”our wedding, our COVID wedding blessed my wife and I by letting us focus more on each other and the covenant we were making. My wife told me afterwards that just having the most important people physically there, our family, allowed her to be more present in the moment. We weren’t thinking about people watching us. We were simply focused on the sweet moments of our vows, our first kiss, and the joy of family celebrating with us.
Since we didn’t have a reception, my wife and I were able to end the day less tired. That led to more time with each other in our first day of marriage. And while I did miss getting to celebrate with all the important people in my life, I would not trade those precious first hours of marriage for anything. God gave us a wedding that looked very different from “normal” weddings. But the uniqueness made it special for my wife and I in a specific way.
Unexpected blessings the Lord gave me
But probably the biggest blessing God gave my wife and I through our COVID wedding came after the wedding. Because of the pandemic, the first four months of marriage I was working at home and my wife was looking for a job. What that meant was our first summer together was spent spending every single day together. No heading off to work in the morning. No busy schedule to distract us.
Before I was married, I had heard people talk about Deuteronomy 24:5.
When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.
Deuteronomy 24:5 ESV
That always sounded amazing to me. Getting a whole year to focus on being with your new wife. But I never imagined I would get anything close to that. After all, modern life doesn’t let you stop your job for a year. You might get a week off for the honeymoon but then it is back to work and “life as usual.”
God gave my wife and I a unique gift: we got to live out Deuteronomy 24:5 more than any other couple I know. A whole summer was granted to us to do nothing but enjoy the happiness of marriage. And even when I went back to work, it was only every other day in person. The Lord gave my wife and I the sweetest gift we could ask for: time together.
Now tell me: if you had a choice, would you rather have the exact wedding you wanted, or four perfect months married after the wedding? Its an impossible question to answer in a way, but for my wife and I, we were happy to enjoy the blessing of a care-free summer newly married. I would not have traded that for a normal wedding. Never.
All this goes to show God still gives exceedingly and abundantly above what we ask or think. Even during COVID. Even in the midst of loss or change.
In acceptance lieth peace.
Amy Carmichael
Lesson #3: Keep the main thing the main thing
Tough circumstances cause you to ask tough questions
When there are difficulties in your life, you tend to ask better questions. Tough circumstances cause you to slow down and think. Cause you to take stock of what is actually important, what actually is in your heart. For my wife and I, COVID caused us to ask a ton of difficult questions about our wedding plans.
Should we move our wedding? Should we proceed assuming COVID restrictions will get relaxed? Maybe we could reschedule the reception. Change the venue. Wait until the fall. Making decisions in ambiguous situations with limited information is incredibly difficult.
But these questions allowed us to ask a more important one: what do we ultimately want? A wedding or a marriage?
Plenty of people have weddings. They are beautiful affairs full of joy and dancing and fellowship with others. But what is that all for? Is all that necessary or required? What makes a “good wedding” or a “Christian wedding” or a “God-glorifying wedding?”
One of the best questions we had to ask ourselves was “Is what God is giving us enough? What is more important: the wedding or the marriage?”
These weren’t easy questions to answer. There were many tears and prayers involved. But ultimately, my wife and I realized that waiting for COVID restrictions to relax wasn’t the path forward. It was difficult giving up our “dream wedding.” But it became less difficult when we asked ourselves what we really were valuing most.
And marriage to us was the important thing. More important than getting what we wanted for the wedding itself.
The object of your happiness determines if that happiness will last
I love weddings. Going to them growing up always made me think of the day I would get married. Weddings always seemed to be the height of beauty and joy on earth. The toughest part of letting go of my “dream wedding” was realizing I would not get what I always pictured my wedding would be. All the pictures I painted in my head would not become reality.
But does that mean I missed out having a COVID wedding? Did I somehow get a “lesser experience”? Was my ceremony a sort of second-class, unfortunate situation to be pitied? Do I need to have a “make-up” ceremony later to make sure I get what I always wanted?
Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.
John Piper, Desiring God
The question I had to ask myself was simply “what is the foundation of my happiness?” It is easy to say “God is my happiness” when everything else in your life is going well. Tough circumstances reveal your idols. And for me, oftentimes my own comfort is my idol.
But the amazing reality is when your happiness is based in God and in Christ, you can truly have happiness in any circumstance. You can have contentment in all things, because Jesus is strengthening you. And my wife and I were able to experience that happiness during our COVID wedding. It was not what we had planned for ourselves. But it was God’s plan for us. And the reality was God had not changed, He was still always good, and always in control.
Reflecting back on my wedding, I would not change a single thing. God’s will was and is always perfect. The lessons my wife and I learned from getting married during COVID have served our marriage well already. God calls us all to different circumstances; each person gets distinct blessings and trials. But oftentimes, the lessons are the same. One of the best things you can do is reflect back on your own circumstances and see what lessons God is teaching you.
If you want to read my thoughts on finding happiness in the right places, check out my series “Happy?” Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram so you don’t miss any future posts.
Disagreement among Church members can be a very difficult thing to navigate. Oftentimes I ask myself “how can I disagree well with this person?” By “disagreeing well” I simply mean voicing clearly the specific points of disagreement so that the conversation can continue in a profitable and unified way.
What is the alternative to disagreeing well? Just go to the comments section of almost any online video or discussion forum. Answers are not given thoughtfully. Answers are given harshly.
I worry that sometimes a worldly spirit of disagreement enters the Church.This worldly spirit emphasizes proving yourself right rather than teaching and being taught by others.
And such a spirit is dangerous for any local Church. Paul says as much in Ephesians:
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29, ESV
Even in disagreement, your goal should be “building up” and “giving grace” to the Church member you disagree with.
So, the question of how to disagree well is a vital one for each member of the body of Christ.
Now, a thorough Bible study on this topic would yield a wealth of insight. But for this post, I want to share a tool I personally have found helpful to keep in mind when disagreeing with anyone.
The tool is from one of my favorite non-Christian books of all time: How to Read a Book by Mortimer Alder. The book has a wealth of information and gives essential tools for reading and understanding a text.
For this post, there is a useful section which describes how to critique a book after you have read it. The main point of this section is not just saying “I don’t like the sound of that.” Rather, you learn to specifically and profitably think through where you disagree with the author. It is an incredibly helpful section not just for reading, but for life in general.
In this post, I am going to go through each of the different ways to disagree well. I give a visual aid below for you to reference. I pray this tool will help foster more profitable disagreements in your local Church.
The first step to disagreeing is to make sure you understand what you are disagreeing with. This may seem like a simple step, but it is often overlooked.
If you disagree with someone without understanding their position, you risk several things.
First, you might not have an actual disagreement.
Second, you might misrepresent the other’s position.
Finally, you might disagree with something that isn’t integral to their argument.
I’m sure you have experienced each of these before. Perhaps after an extended (possibly heated) back and forth with someone, you come to find out that you didn’t actually disagree. You were merely using different terms.
Or perhaps someone has levied critique after critique on your position without bothering to ask whether they were representing your position accurately. This is also called a “strawman” fallacy.
Equally common is someone disagrees with a small, side part of your argument. A conversation over an important issue then becomes sidetracked over an assertion that has little effect on your conclusion.
In each of these cases, when you misrepresent someone else’s position, the conversation can become heated and unprofitable. As a Christian disagreeing with another Christian, the effects can damage your fellowship or witness.
The solution: before you disagree, understand.
To disagree well, understand thoroughly
There are a couple ways to make sure you accurately represent someone’s position.
Restate it in your own words
This is the simplest but maybe most impactful thing you can do to disagree more profitably. Simply say to the other person directly “So, if I understand you correctly you are saying…(Insert position here)…Am I representing your position correctly?”
If you cannot express the other person’s position in a sentence or two, you either do not understand their position or they have not explained their position effectively and clearly.
In either case, until you can restate the other person’s position in your own words, do not start bombarding them with your disagreements.
Ask a clarifying question
Another helpful way to make sure you understand the other person’s opinion is to simply respond with a good question. This has two good effects:
It shows you were actually listening and have some level of understanding
The question itself once answered will further clarify the other person’s position
Jesus asked good questions all the time. A great example of this is in Luke 20 where Jesus asks the priests and elders if John the Baptist’s baptism was from God or man. The question itself revealed the priests and elders hearts.
When you think you understand someone’s position, ask more questions. If you think you have asked enough questions, try a few more.
Who knows: maybe the very point of disagreement you have with another will be answered simply through asking a question.
What question are they trying to answer
This isn’t something you necessarily have to say out loud to another person. But for your own thinking, it is helpful to frame what another person is saying in terms of what question they are trying to answer.
For example, let us say you are discussing Eschatology with a fellow believer and find yourself disagreeing. After asking good questions and summarizing the other person’s position in your own words accurately, you should think “what are we trying to answer here? What is the question beneath this conversation that we are both trying to answer?”
Perhaps it is how to interpret the 1,000 years passage. Maybe you are trying to figure out what the relation between the Church and Israel is. Whatever the case, knowing what fundamental question you are seeking to answer will help you discern whether your disagreement is meaningful or not.
For example, if in the course of your disagreement over Eschatology the other person made an off statement about the structure of the Church, you should not necessarily voice that disagreement right away. Knowing what fundamental question you are answering will weed out the smaller disagreements so you can key in on one or two major ones.
A lot of unhelpful disagreements in the local Church happen because you focus on every little are you disagree. Focus on the essential rather than the side issues.
Having done all of the above, you are now in a much better position to voice your disagreement. Your disagreement will now be based on the other person’s actual position and will focus on the key disagreements.
Are they lacking important information?
Mortimer Adler puts it like this:
To say that an author is uninformed is to say that he lacks some piece of knowledge that is relevant to the problem he is trying to solve…you must be able to state the knowledge that the author lacks and show how it is relevant, how it makes a difference to his conclusions.
How to Read a Book, pp 154-155
Is there a point the other person makes that would change if they had more information? This is a type of disagreement that often happens amongst believers. Your brother or sister might have a compelling argument, but fail to remember a crucial Bible passage or verse.
The key thing to do here is to lovingly, graciously show them that passage of Scripture. Perhaps even say “how would you understand this passage in your argument?”
Oftentimes, average Christians don’t make omissions willfully. The Bible is a vast and complicated book. You and I can’t hold every single verse in our head. Therefore, you and I need other people in the local Church who will remind us of verses we might have forgotten.
Christians should welcome having our opinions and conclusions corrected by the Word of God. Most often, this correction comes from another believer.
If you are disagreeing with someone who loves the Lord and has a high view of Scripture, there is no reason sharing Bible verses with them should lead to heated confrontation. Do so lovingly. Take them to the Word. And then let the Bible correct their understanding if it needs correcting.
Are they asserting something that is incorrect?
To say that an author is misinformed is to say that he asserts what is not the case. His error may be owing to lack of knowledge, but the error is more than that…The author is proposing something as true or more probable what is in fact false or less probable…This kind of defect should be pointed out, of course, only if it is relevant to the author’s conclusions. And to support the remark you must be able to argue the truth or greater probability of a position contrary to the author’s.
How to Read a Book, pp 155
In the first response, you disagreed because of a Scripture passage which was not taken in to account. In this response, you disagree how a Scripture passage was interpreted in the other person’s argument.
An argument is built off of a series of assertions which are either true or false. Think of them as building blocks in a tower. If one of your building blocks is damaged, it can cause the whole tower to fall. So it is with an argument.
If an assertion is made that is false and it is crucial to the argument, gently show the other person why their assertion is false and what the corresponding true position is.
As previously stated, when talking among believers oftentimes this takes the form of discussing an interpretation of a passage of Scripture. If a Scripture is crucial to an argument and is misinterpreted, you will likely have to address why that interpretation is wrong and what you think the proper interpretation is.
This is incredibly common during the normal life of a Church. It is one reason good hermeneutics (how you study the Bible). That is one reason I developed a Bible study tool to help make sure you properly interpret Scripture.
Any Biblically sound argument is based on sound interpretation of each text in that argument.
Did they make a logical fallacy?
To say that an author is illogical is to say that he has committed a fallacy in reasoning. In general, fallacies are of two sorts. There is the non sequitur, which means that what is drawn as a conclusion simply does not follow from the reasons offered. And there is the occurrence of inconsistency, which means that two things the author has tried to say are incompatible.
How to Read a Book, pp 156
This disagreement focuses not on what information exists or what assertions are made. Instead, this disagreement focuses on how that information or those assertions are strung together to reach a conclusion.
Even though there are countless logical fallacies, Adler’s two large groups (non sequitur and inconsistency) are helpful and memorable. A Non sequitur jumps to a conclusion without sufficient evidence. Inconsistency asserts two contradictory things to be true.
Addressing this type of disagreement in the Church can potentially become the most heated in my experience. In this case, you are not offering additional texts or pushing back on a textual interpretation. You are instead asking “do those texts together lead to that conclusion?“
I think one of the reasons this type of disagreement can become contentious is it is more personal than the previous two. Both of the previous disagreements were focused on the texts themselves. This disagreement is saying “you personally have come to a conclusion by your own mental error.”
Tread humbly and carefully when critiquing someone’s logic. Remember: the goal isn’t to be right or to feel smart. Your goal should be to lovingly correct your brother or sister in Christ for their own edification.
Questions like “does that follow from text?” or “can those two assertions be made at the same time?” are incredibly helpful. But wield them wisely and tactfully.
Is their analysis incomplete?
This type of disagreement is a little different from the previous three. If you have any of the previous three disagreements, you can disregard someone’s conclusion. This final disagreement merely judges the completeness of an argument, not the quality of the argument itself.
Adler explains:
To say that an author’s analysis is incomplete is to say that he has not solved all the problems that he started with, or that he has not made as good a use of his materials as possible, that he did not see all their implications and ramifications, or that he has failed to make distinctions that are relevant to his undertaking.
How to Read a Book, pp 159
For this type of disagreement, it is helpful to remember what question you originally were seeking so solve. Has your brother or sister’s argument answered that question thoroughly? If not, you can help them expand it or address an area that needs more thought.
This also comes in handy when thinking about the application or the “so what” of a Biblical text. If the argument is sound but the implications are not fully explored, help your brother or sister think through them.
The Puritans had useful questions to ask to solve this problem. I recommend you commit them to memory so you can help others in the Church think through important Biblical implications.
It is important to note here that all human’s are finite. No one’s analysis is going to exhaustively represent all of Scripture. Only bring this type of disagreement up if it is helpful for the conversation. Don’t show off for no purpose by expounding a hundred meaningless implications other people haven’t thought of.
I find this type of disagreement most often comes up in leading small group discussion. It helps to restate the person’s thoughts in your own words and then add maybe one other important thing they forgot. Don’t list out everything you may want to add.
One of the biggest blessings of the local Church is sharing our Biblical knowledge with each other. You can know more of the Bible within a community of believers than you can on your own.
I never thought I would enjoy attending a ballet. Ballet always seemed so odd to me. I prefer symphonies or Broadway.
But because of COVID, it has been over a year since my wife and I attended a live performance. We used to really enjoy going to concerts or musicals together. So, when our local ballet was having a Valentine’s day recital, we decided to give it a try.
I was pleasantly surprised.
The evening was a collection of different dances. And as I reflected on attending the ballet that evening, a couple thoughts came to my mind.
Ballet is an example of metaphor
Background to metaphor
I recently read an amazing book on metaphor and its usage in language and society. It was written by a non Christian as far as I know, but the book has profoundly helped my Bible study, my understanding of the world, and language in general.
Essentially, the book defines a metaphor as understanding something you don’t know in light of something you know.
For example, you can take an abstract idea like “knowing” and link it up to a physical reality, like “seeing”. The metaphor, therefore, is “seeing = knowing.”
That is why in your day to day life, you say things like “I see what you are saying.” You literally do not “see” what a person is saying. It is a metaphor.
Metaphor is one of the most useful tools God has given humans to understand the world.
In a previous post, I discussed how God uses metaphor to get across spiritual truth in the Bible. Honestly, if you were to pull out your Bible right now and turn to almost any page, you would find a metaphor.
Parables are extended metaphors.
Proverbs are condensed metaphors.
The Psalms and Prophets use metaphors constantly.
A metaphor is just an equation: X = Y. You equate two dissimilar things. Then you think about how the one is like the other.
A good example is Psalm 1. The Psalmist compares the righteous man to a tree.
At first glance, a person and a tree don’t seem to have much in common. But as a reader, you should stop and ask “in what ways is a righteous man like a tree?”
Once you have set up that equation “righteous man = tree”, you can use the one to help understand the other. In this case, God is communicating a truth about an abstract concept (the righteous man) using a very common object (a tree).
Through the one, you better understand the other.
Music = Movement
Back to the ballet. I think I never understood ballet or even dance for that matter because I did not understand metaphor.
Ballet uses this simple metaphor: Music = Movement.
As I watched the dances move to music by Rachmaninoff or Shostakovitch, I realized what they were doing. Whoever choreographed the dance was doing metaphorical thinking, whether they were aware of it or not.
That realization changed my perspective and enjoyment of my evening.
Every movement, every twirl, every point of the toes was the artists interpretation of the music. Or, to put it another way, ballet transforms something abstract, music, into something more tangible and physical, movement.
The result? The emotions of the music were further highlighted by the movement of the dancers.
Attending a ballet becomes much more enjoyable once you understand ballet isn’t merely to impress. It is interpretive.
As someone who absolutely loves music, I found it infinitely intriguing all the choices a choreographer had to make while listening to music.
What movement evokes the crescendo of the piece? How is the orchestration portrayed by the dances? What dance can capture the longing or the elation of a piece of music?
I found my enjoyment of ballet increase a hundred-fold once I understood it is simply metaphor for my enjoyment.
Ballet is a complementarian art form
For those unfamiliar with the term, “complementarian” is simply the Biblical affirmation that manhood and womanhood are distinct. Men and woman have the same value, but different roles. Desiring God has a good round-up of articles if you want to read further.
While attending the ballet, I noticed the God-given differences between men and women on display. And not just on display: beautiful. Complementary. Elegant.
The woman dancers used their flexibility and grace, the men used their strength.
The unique physical attributes of men and woman worked together in the ballet. The result: something more beautiful than if only one gender was dancing.
Sitting there with my wife on Valentine’s day, I was struck by what a good reminder this was.
A Christian marriage should be like a ballet: two individuals using their individual giftings from God together for the benefit of others.
I think if a preacher is going through Ephesians 5, he can look no further for an illustration than ballet. As an art form, I was surprised at how balanced it is.
The men aren’t dominating the woman or vice versa. There is only graceful movement together. Leveraging each others strengths. Covering up the other’s weaknesses.
What a great picture of Christian marriage! I never thought attending a ballet would become a spiritual lesson.
But isn’t that the beauty of the Christian life?
One of the amazing features of the Christian life is seeing the world through a God-focused, gospel centered worldview. You enjoy more things and learn more things than if everything was mere entertainment.
So, my encouragement for you is simply this:
Try something new. Something you might not understand. Then reflect on it. Examine it by what you know about the gospel and God.
“The whole earth is filled with God’s glory” Isaiah 6 says. It is indeed.
Praise God for ballet and the lessons He teaches us as we go along our way.
