Unexpected Lessons From my Son’s Birth

The past week has been a whirlwind. I had to take a break from posting because my son was finally born. The past four days have changed me in too many ways to count. But I thought I would record some unexpected lessons from my son’s birth.

Sometimes the greatest pain proceeds the greatest joys

The first of the unexpected lessons I learned from my son’s birth came from watching my wife go through labor pains. I have always hated seeing my wife in pain, so watching her go through contraction after contraction was incredibly difficult. As the pain intensified, I kept asking myself “what can I do to help her as she goes through this pain?”

The answer came from a phrase a lady from our church shared with us: “You are working to meet your baby.” In other words, the pain my wife was going through was not futile or meaningless. It had a goal. A purpose. And that purpose was to meet our son.

It was watching my wife go through labor pains that helped me understand Hebrews 12:2. Jesus went through the suffering and shame of the cross for the joy set before Him. The joy of our salvation was purchased through the suffering of the Son of God.

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2 ESV, emphasis added

Both my wife and I wanted to have a son. But because of the curse of sin, the only way to reach the joy of parenthood was through the pain of labor. God has built in an insightful lesson into the common grace of child birth. We as humans simply want the joy. Immediately. Without delay and without effort. Suffering and pain are especially undesirable for us.

But in this fallen world, most of the joys God has in store for us lead first through pain. That isn’t to say you should love the pain. Rather, like Christ, you should look past the pain to what lies ahead.

To persevere, you must keep the proper perspective.

And if your perspective is fixed on your circumstances or whatever pain you are feeling, you will never see the joy God has in store.

God promises sanctification, not quick relief from suffering

The second of the unexpected lessons I learned from my son’s birth came through the first two nights at the hospital. My wife had only gotten one hour of sleep within 24 hours, so I knew I needed to be the one to stay up with my son. Just for perspective, even in college I had never pulled a straight “all-nighter” and it has been a while since I went with less than 5 hours of sleep.

But as the Lord would have it, the first two nights after my son’s birth included back to back all-nighters. It was truly like living my worst nightmare. I would soothe our son, put him in the bassinet hoping against hope he would stay asleep. Then, I would crawl on the hard hospital couch, pull up my thin sheets only to hear a whimper. Then a cry. Next? A full out meltdown.

Each time I laid my son down more exhausted than the previous cycle, I would pray to God “Please Lord, let my son sleep!” The answer came within 20 minutes: God’s sovereign will declared that I would not be getting sleep. My patience was tested more in those first two nights than they have in the past two years at least.

Reflecting back on the hospital, I realized God never promised or “owed me” letting my son sleep through the night. God’s will for my life is for my sanctification, making me like Jesus in character and action. But all I wanted God to give me quick, instant relief. To make it all go away and make it all better.

But God did not give me relief those first couple nights. And that was a good thing. By forcing me to stay up all night and sacrifice myself for my son and wife, the Lord taught me endurance. He taught me what it means to rely on His strength.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-9a ESV emphasis added

I pleaded with the Lord a lot more than three times to let my son sleep. But instead of answering my request how I wanted it answered, God instead supplied the strength and mental focus I needed to stay up with my son. And in the end, my character is stronger now than it would have been if God has just given me instant relief.

Plans are great; God’s will is better

The final of the unexpected lessons I learned from my son’s birth is one I learned when the COVID pandemic completely changed my wife and my wedding plans. That lesson is one I constantly need to hear: I am not the master of my own fate. Or to put it in Biblical terms:

The heart of man plans his way,

    but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9 ESV

My wife and I went into the labor process with a marvelous birth plan. We knew what we wanted, what we didn’t want, and pictured how it would go. Then, after 9 hours of labor, my wife needed an emergency C-section: the one thing we didn’t want to happen. Within 5 minutes, my wife was wheeled away and I was left with a written out birth plan that no longer meant anything.

God has a persistent and gracious habit of reminding you that He is Lord of our lives. Not us.

In the end, wife and child were happy and I could not have been more pleased with how the labor went. Sure it wasn’t “according to plan” or “how we envisioned it.” But as I have written before, our modern culture is obsessed with somehow finding the perfect path to reach our goals.

But God alone has all wisdom and foreknowledge. My wife and I enjoyed planning what we wanted in our labor, but in the end, we had no power to bring our plan to pass. God alone has that power. As Paul says in Romans, from God, through God, and to God is everything. That includes our son and how he entered the world.

Conclusion

I hope to return to writing more regularly in the weeks ahead. But honestly, I have appreciated the time to just experience the novelty and life changing experience of becoming a parent. God is already growing my character and perspective. These are only three of many lessons I have been reflecting on. One of the great blessings of knowing the God of the universe through Jesus Christ is being able to look back on experiences and say

• God ordained that situation as part of His plan for my life
• God has a purpose in letting me go through that circumstance
• Therefore, I can look at everything I experience and ask “What is God teaching me?”

Whether you are married, single, child-less, or with a full quiver, don’t ever stop reflecting on what God is showing you in each season of life.

This post if part of an ongoing series of reflection pieces called “What I learned from…” Read other posts in this series here. If you found this post helpful, share and subscribe below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get thought-provoking quotes and resource recommendations weekly.