The Dichotomy of Christian Character
My Pastor recently bought a Jerry Bridges book called “The Practice of Godliness” for me and my fellow Deacons to read. So far, I have really enjoyed the book, particularly with Bridges’ emphasis on devotion to God. I highly recommend you pick it up if you have not read it. However, there is a sentence in the introduction of the book that intrigued me and I want to discuss today. The quote introduces a dichotomy in Christian character.
The last two divisions reflect the seeming dichotomy of Christian character: sternness with ourselves and tenderness towards others.
The Practice of Godliness by Jerry Bridges
What the quote means
Two different sets of character traits
Bridges writes this quote when he describes the overall structure of the book. The latter chapters in “The Practice of Godliness” are individual studies of different aspects of Christian character. The characteristics Bridges says believers should have related to themselves are holiness, self-control, and faithfulness. Bridges then lists peace, patience, gentleness, kindness/goodness, and love as characteristics Christians should have in relation to others.
Bridges goes on to say holiness, self-control, and faithfulness enable Christians to deal “sternly” with themselves. On the other hand, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness/goodness, and love are qualities which enable believers to deal graciously towards others. The quote given above is Bridges summary of the differences in these lists of Christian character qualities: believers are stern with themselves and gracious towards others.
I take the word “stern” to mean Christians don’t give themselves a pass. They discipline themselves. Curb sinful desires, subject themselves to self control, and expect faithfulness to the Lord and to others. However, when they deal with other people, Christians are “swift to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.” Bridges rightly calls this a “dichotomy” in Christian character.
How you treat yourself as a believer is different than how you treat others.
Why it is important
The counter-cultural stance Scripture takes
At first glance, you might think this dichotomy between how you are to treat yourself and how you treat others makes no sense. Why should you treat yourself differently than you treat others? But I would argue most of us live in this same dichotomy every day, just in reverse: we are stern towards others, and very gracious towards ourselves. The dichotomy is not the issue; it is where you place yourself in the dichotomy.
I have written previously about the need for worldview-confronting teaching from Scripture. This dichotomy in Christian character that Bridges highlights goes directly against the wisdom of modern culture. When was the last time you heard someone talk about being “stern” with themselves? How often do you hear others use ungracious language with other people? Are people quick to notice your own sins and faults, or are they quicker to excuse themselves and point out the faults of other people?
It is easy to believe the worst about other people and the best about ourselves. Such a perspective does not come from Scripture; it is what everyone naturally does in the flesh. Just scroll through social media for a half-hour and you will see what I mean. There are countless online interactions which take one of two forms:
- Ungracious and stern criticism of others
- Dogmatic justification of one’s own stance and/or excusing one’s own behavior
It is just how the culture functions. Other people need self-control, to correct their behavior, and to meet their responsibilities. But you rarely turn the mirror on yourself. You can easily come up with a hundred excuses for why you do what you do. Self-justification is not a new problem.
The reason why Bridges’ quote stuck out to me is it sets the order straight. You and I need to “love our neighbors as ourselves” while at the same time “train ourselves unto godliness.” If you get the dichotomy wrong, you will not grow spiritually. You will end up overlooking the areas where you need to grow in Christ-likeness while at the same time becoming preoccupied with other people’s behavior.
If you truly knew the depths of your own sinfulness, you would spend more time working out your own salvation than you spend correcting other people.
Takeaways
1. Make every excuse for other people.
This is something my Pastor mentioned once while preaching through Ephesians. Christians should be quick to make excuses for other people. Someone cut you off in traffic? They probably have to get somewhere quickly. A family member responded harshly and unfairly to you? They most likely have something going on behind the scenes that has nothing to do with you. Pastor hasn’t returned your text and you asked if you could meet up? He no doubt is preparing the sermon and is deep into the text.
Sound crazy? That is because you and I are so accustomed to jumping to the worst case scenario when other people do things we don’t like. It is easier to assume a sinful motivation on the part of the other person than it is to control your own poor reaction to what they did. If you want to become a more gracious person, start defending those who upset you. It sounds odd, and it is a difficult habit to get into, but it is freeing.
Instead of assuming the world is out to get you, remind yourself of how Jesus reacted when people hated Him, misinterpreted everything He did, and ultimately crucified Him. If anyone could have played the role of “victim,” it was Jesus. But 1 Peter 2 says Christ behaved differently
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
1 Peter 2:21-23 ESV, emphasis added
2. Try to go a single day without justifying or defending yourself. See how hard it is.
The flip side of making every excuse for the other person is refraining from defending yourself. Try it for a day. Don’t defend yourself or seek to justify yourself to others. How long will you make it through the day? For me, I might make it until I interact with my first person of the day. Deep is the human capacity for self-justification.
But if Bridges is right, and I think he is, part of Christian character is denying yourself and controlling your behavior. When someone tells you that you are wrong, the default response of your heart is “I couldn’t be.” When you are questioned, your first thought is “I can’t be wrong.” In fact, oftentimes you jump to the conclusion the other person must be wrong or in sin to even approach you.
If you want to grow spiritually, you are going to have to become stern with yourself. A good, memorable summary of this perspective is “suspect yourself first” or “suspect your own heart first.” That summary is from one of my favorite books of all time “When Sinners Say I Do” by Dave Harvey (buy and read this book immediately if you have not already). It is a book about marriage, but the principle applies to all aspects of life. You don’t know the sinfulness of another persons heart. But you do know your own heart.
If you are going to jump to a conclusion, jump to the conclusion that you are wrong or mistaken. Then work your way back from there.
If you want to have this mindset, you are going to have to refrain from defending yourself. Pause. Pray to the Lord “reveal any wicked way in me” before responding. Humble yourself that God may exalt you in due time. There is freedom in behaving sternly with ourselves and graciously towards others.
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