Tag: Christian Life

book quote of the week
The Underappreciated Blessing of Duty

The Underappreciated Blessing of Duty

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When you hear the word “duty” what do you think of? A soldier? A parent? Someone doing something they don’t really want to do?

I recently purchased an anthology of English romantic poetry and read a poem by William Wordsworth called “Ode to Duty”. The intriguing title immediately attracted my attention. You can read the whole poem here, and I recommend you do so. But a couple lines stood out to me that discussed the relation of duty to desire. I think they are significant enough to discuss and reflect on here.

Me this uncharted freedom tires;

I feel the weight of chance-desires:

My hopes no more must change their name

I long for a repose that ever is the same

“Ode to Duty” William Wordsworth

What the quote means

Contrasting duty and desire

In these lines, Wordsworth is presenting a contrast between desire and duty. He uses profoundly vivid images to do this. He calls his own changing desires “uncharted freedom” and “chance desires.” He describes his own hopes as something almost chaotic and untamed. They change. There is a wildness to their freedom.

And these changing desires are not insignificant: Wordsworth says he feels the weight of them. Weight has a connotation of something burdensome. Think if you are carrying a heavy backpack: it’s weight drags you down and burdens you. Depending on how “weighty” something is, you might use up a lot of your energy to carry it. Wordsworth uses this imagery to describe your desires.

Then, Wordsworth presents duty. Unlike personal desires, duty is described as something constant and unchanging. Personal desires are chaotic and liquid, but duty is ordered and solid. And this unchanging nature of duty brings “repose” or rest. This is in contrast with the weight and burden of changing desires. Wordsworth’s point is simple:

Your personal hopes and dreams are always changing and burden you by their shifting goals. Duty, on the other hand, is constant and gives the peaceful rest of knowing what is required of you.

Why it is important

Duty sets in order our shifting personal desires

I think one reason “Ode to Duty” stuck out to me is how accurately it paints our modern culture. You and I live in a world that elevates personal desire above everything. And it is exhausting. The wisdom of the age says being true to yourself and following your dreams brings freedom. But how often the opposite is true! If you live solely for your own desires, Wordsworth says, you are in bondage to something chaotic and always changing.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • How often have your own personal goals or plans changed?
  • When was the last time you fulfilled some dream or goal of yours? How happy did it really make you?
  • Have you ever received something you really wanted, but after receiving it, realized it wasn’t what you thought it was?

The point here is you often do not really know what you want. You think you do, but you can want the wrong things. Or end up meeting a goal that ends up disappointing you. Or, to Wordsworth’s point, you might wake up today with a completely new set of ideas and goals than you did yesterday.

If you live based on your own changing feelings, dreams, and desires, you are setting yourself up for a chaotic life.

So how does duty help? Duty gives you a set of responsibilities and expectations apart from your own dreams and desires. Put another way, desire is internal and duty is external. Your desires shift almost daily and change as you change, but duty gives you expectations that are long-lasting.

I interpret what Wordsworth says in these lines as duty frees you from subjecting yourself to constantly changing desires. It brings a rest of knowing what is expected of you and knowing that those expectations don’t change easily. I don’t think Wordsworth’s point is to never have desires. That would remove an important part of what it means to be human. But personal desires and goals must be submitted to an external, rigid standard it you are to have a good life.

Duty and the Christian

Now, all that was merely reflections from a work of art. But I think it accurately pictures the tension you see in Scripture between duty and desire. Now, the word “duty” I have found can get a bad rap in Christian circles. A common response to duty is “well, God wants you to serve Him with your heart. God loves a cheerful giver. It is not enough just to obey God, you must want to obey God out of love for Christ.”

And I 100% agree. But I think “duty” means more than just “doing something you don’t want to do.” I would define duty as “external responsibility.” Something outside of yourself that has a claim on how you live your life. Now, you can “do your duty” either joyfully or begrudgingly. Christians should be in the joyful group. But I don’t think it is debatable that the Bible gives a standard of duty that promises a joyful life. It is a set of responsibilities that starts with Jesus and the gospel and permeates to every aspect of a Christian’s life.

God in His word has given us a set of responsibilities to set in order our often chaotic, selfish lives.

“Duty” is not a depressing word for the Christian. Like Wordsworth describes, God’s commands, imperatives, and responsibilities lead to a more restful life than living for self and your own desires. Why? God’s word does not change like your desires and dreams. You can know what God expects of you. You can’t know how you or your own goals will change. But “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

Takeaways

1. Continually read Scripture so you know what God requires of your life

If you claim to be a Christian, you are claiming to have an objective, unchanging standard of truth to base your life on: the Bible. So read it. Study it. You cannot live according to God’s standard if you don’t know God’s standard. See what the Bible has to say about your marriage. Meditate on the implications the Bible has on how you work. What place should local Church life have in your week?

Ask yourself “Do I think about my own goals and dreams more than I think about God’s word?” As Christians, you and I need to be preoccupied with pleasing God through obedience to His word. Not to earn His favor. You have that in Christ. But if you are a new creation in Christ, you have the Holy Spirit to empower you to actually bear fruit and live a life pleasing to God. So get to know your duty. Study Scripture to know what God requires of you in every facet of your life.

2. Stop living your life based on your constantly changing dreams

This is a tough one in modern culture. To live for something or someone other than yourself is a radical idea. Living according to a standard outside of yourself is an even more radical idea. Conforming personal desires to an unchanging standard when those desires clash with that standard is about as radical as you can get these days. But ask yourself: Is following your dreams and pursuing your goals bringing you peace and happiness? Or is it exhausting you?

Wordsworth says in “Ode to Duty”, it is the latter. In my own personal experience,the more I focus on my own dreams, the more I lose my happiness. Why? Because most of my ambitions are either sinful, selfish, or transient. Perhaps you want money. Fame. Success. Living for these goals is not going to give you the happiness you desire. But if you submit your life to the word of God, happiness is not just hoped for. It is promised:

How happy is the man
who does not follow the advice of the wicked
or take the path of sinners
or join a group of mockers!
Instead, his delight is in the Lord’s instruction,
and he meditates on it day and night.
He is like a tree planted beside streams of water
that bears its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

Psalm 1:1-3, HCSB emphasis added

Don’t listen to the lies of the world. Living for your own desires will destroy you. Subjecting yourself to the duty of “glorifying God and enjoying Him forever” is the only path to lasting happiness.

3. Joyfully live out the duties God requires of you

It is not enough just to know your responsibilities or avoid living for your own desires. You must actually live in obedience to have the rest Scripture promises. Again, this is not an obedience which tries to earn God’s favor. This is not subjecting yourself to the rigid laws and regulations that Christ has abolished. But it does mean taking the commands of Scripture seriously.

The gospel does not remove duty. It gives you the power and motivation to actually fulfill what God requires of you.

One of my favorite verses is 2 Peter 1:3 “His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness…” Everything. You don’t need your own desires fulfilled in order to live a good, happy life. You need to run to Christ to receive the power you need to live in obedience to Scripture.

Wordsworth in “Ode to Duty” sees a profound rest and freedom in living for duty rather than living for your changing desires. Christians have something better than mere duty, man-made rules, or culturally constructed standards. Christians have the unchanging standard of the living God, the creator of the universe. And this God has granted them, in Christ, the forgiveness and power needed to live in accordance to that standard. Don’t despise the word “duty”. It is a beautiful word for the Christian.

This post is part of an ongoing series called “Book Quote of the Week.” Click here if you missed the previous posts in the series. Subscribe and share below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram so you don’t miss any content.

christian manhood
Learn Manhood from Christian Men

Learn Manhood from Christian Men

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I have been thinking about Christian manhood a lot lately. Maybe it is because Father’s Day just passed. Maybe it is because my firstborn son’s due date is next month. But perhaps it is simply because I have found it incredibly difficult to get a straightforward definition of Christian manhood in American culture.

From society and many Christian circles, what I hear most is what manhood is not. Every definition is full of what men don’t do rather than giving a positive definition. More helpful Christian thinkers give positive statements, like men are called to lead, provide, and protect. Other Christians rightly emphasize key character traits men should develop, like self-control. Some call you to look to Jesus and His roles as prophet, priest, and king for insight.

The goal of this post is not to critique any of these models or even to define what Christian manhood is. The point I want to emphasize is not what Christian manhood is, but where Christians should learn what manhood is.

Both Proverbs and the New Testament Epistles are clear: men should learn what manhood is from other godly men around them.

Books on Christian manhood are useful, but limited

Books often cannot advise you in specific situations

I have read my fair share of articles and books on Christian manhood. Especially when I was dating my wife, I was incredibly curious about what it meant to “be a man” in the relationship. The answers I got were helpful and got me thinking. But I realized deep down I wanted a book that prescribed what Christian men do in every situation. But that is the limitation of good books: they can give you wisdom and cause you to think, but they are static teachers who cannot advise you in specific situations. A lot of my struggles with “what Christian manhood is” arises from living my normal life.

In daily life, I don’t often ask “what is Christian manhood?” Instead, I ask “how does a Christian man respond to this specific situation?”

As helpful as books are for understanding the Bible’s teaching on what Christian manhood is, to actually live as a Christian man requires something more than reading books. You need practical wisdom, practical advice, and specific answers to complicated life-situations. What you need is wisdom. And thankfully, the Bible tells you where you can get that wisdom.

God provides wisdom through Christian men

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13, ESV emphasis added

I have always found this verse interesting. Paul seems to imply a few things in saying “act like men”:

  • There is an objective thing called “manhood”
  • You can express your manhood by how your act
  • You can either act like a man in response to a situation, or you can respond by acting like something other than a man

The question is: where do you learn how to act like a man if books are insufficient? Where do you get the wisdom you need to respond to life-situations as a Christian man would? The answer I think is given both in Proverbs and the New Testament: other Christian men are the best source for Christian manhood. Now, I will caveat all this with a verse from Psalm 119.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.

Psalm 119:9, ESV

Compare all the advice you get to God’s word. Even godly, Christian men who have lived many years might occasionally give you advice or thoughts which do not line up with Scripture. So take everything back to the text. That said, God seems to think other Christian men are often the source of wisdom and instruction for other men:

  • “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.” Proverbs 3:1
  • “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” Proverbs 11:14
  • “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
  • “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
  • “One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” Psalm 145:4
  • “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1
  • “And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2
  • “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” Hebrews 13:7
  • “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders.” 1 Peter 5:5

From these verses, there are a couple things to see:

  1. Christian manhood is taught by Christian fathers to their sons
  2. Christian manhood is taught by Christian men from older generations
  3. Christian manhood is taught by a multitude of men, each sharpening each other
  4. Christian manhood is taught by observing and imitating godly men around you
  5. Christian manhood is taught within the Church by elders who both teach and model Christian manhood

From this, there seems to be two main ways you learn Christian manhood from other Christians: they directly teach and instruct you, and you watch their life and imitate them. Practically, how do you do this?

Ask godly men around you direct questions

If you want instruction from the godly men around you, you are going to have to start asking questions. I don’t mean high level “what is your theology of manhood” questions. Ask direct, specific questions on how Christian men should live and respond to life situations.

I guarantee there are several men in your life worth learning from. They are just too busy being Christian men that they don’t have time to write books about Christian manhood. You have to extract their hard-won wisdom by sitting down and talking. Asking. Showing an interest. The man with five kids, a job, and who runs the sound room at Church probably has more profound thoughts on Christian manhood than you think. But to get them, you need to approach him, set aside some time, and come with questions.

What are some questions you can ask? Here is a non-exhaustive list of topics off the top of my head.

Ask about Church

  • How do you balance family life with Church involvement?
  • What does “leadership in the Church” mean for you?
  • Do you serve the Church as an individual or involve your family in the ministries you are in?
  • What are your thoughts on giving generously to the Church while still providing for your family?
  • How do you choose what ministries and meetings during the week you attend?
  • How do you make sure you don’t take on too much responsibility at Church?

Ask about family

  • What does “leading your family” mean to you?
  • How do you disciple your wife and children?
  • How do you manage and steward your money well?
  • What are your thoughts on children and technology?
  • When do you make time for the Lord individually and as a family?
  • How do you encourage and lead your wife spiritually?
  • Describe how you schedule your family’s week.
  • What do you help out with around the house?

Ask about vocation

  • How do you interact with non-believers at work?
  • What are ways you can make sure you have proper motivations for working?
  • How do you keep your heart free from the love of money at work?
  • What things do you do to stay involved with family life when you are away working 8+ hours a day?
  • How do you enjoy your work without becoming a “workaholic”?

These questions are just a taste of potential conversation starters. The point here is to first think about the areas of your life where you don’t know how to “act like a man.” Then go and ask other godly men how they answer that question. Most Christian men are happy to talk about their own victories, struggles, and defeats with manhood. Start the conversation.

It is hard for one man to sharpen another if neither man initiates a conversation with the other.

Observe godly men around you and reflect on what they do (and why)

Asking questions is the way to get direct answers on Christian manhood. But equally important are indirect answers: watch the men around you and see what you can learn. Now, in order to do this well, you cannot simply watch godly men at Sunday service. You must watch godly men in their home, find godly men who work where you work (or in a similar field), and put yourself in a variety of contexts with other Christian men.

To learn how other men worship, work, and lead their family, you need to actually observe them in each of these contexts. Watching them on Sunday is great, but how will you see how they respond when their kids misbehaves? When will you observe how they talk with unsaved co-workers? You will need to put yourself in the path of other men if you want to observe their life.

It goes both ways: you need, as a man, open your life up to other men to observe. If you only ever pop up on a Sunday and never actually involve yourself with other men from your Church during the week, you probably aren’t going to learn much from other Christian men. And they won’t have the chance to observe your life and learn from you.

As you spend time with other Christian men and their families, you need to do a couple things:

  1. Open your eyes. Don’t just “sit there”: observe what is going on around you. You can’t learn from what you don’t notice.
  2. Reflect on what you see. Ask “why” to try to think through why a Christian man is responding in a certain way.
  3. Be gracious and slow to judge. Try to understand why Christian man is acting a certain way but don’t jump to conclusions or assume the worst.
  4. At some point, maybe ask that Christian man why he responded in a certain way. This will help you check your own observations and give you an idea of the other man’s thought process.

The goal with all this is to observe what “acting like a man” looks like in the field. Not just in your head. What does it actually look like. How do Christian men actually behave in situations.

People live their theology. So observe how Christian brothers lead, live, and work. Then you will learn what they believe about Christian manhood.

A final point: be discerning. The goal is to imitate Christian brothers as they imitate Christ. No man is a perfect imitator of Christ. But through observing other men, you will learn how to wisely respond to situations in a Christlike, Christ-honoring way.

Conclusion

The best and most memorable manhood advice I ever received did not come from a book. It wasn’t the result of some extensive study. It was a conversation I had with my dad a week before my wedding. I asked him what it meant to be a Christian man and husband. He gave me a sentence I will never forget:

Being a husband means getting done what needs to be done.

My Dad, Travis Nesmith

It isn’t doing the right thing for a reward or recognition. It is taking responsibility. Figuring out what needs to be done and then acting. Of all the advice I have read on Christian manhood, it is this sentence from my Dad which I keep returning to the most.

I think that is how God meant it to be. Christian manhood is learned in the trenches, not in some ivory tower. You learn it from those who are acting like men around you. Fathers. Friends. Elders. Church members. Older men. Younger men.

Our culture may be confused about manhood and what it means. But look around at the men God has brought in your life. Learn from them and imitate them as they imitate Christ.

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book quote of the week
Cultivating an Others-centered Mindset

Cultivating an Others-centered Mindset

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I don’t think I need to argue that human beings are naturally self-centered. It isn’t for nothing that the Bible says to “love your neighbor as yourself” and “in humility consider others more important than yourself”. Our natural bent is to self-love and preoccupation with our own needs. So how do you cultivate an others-centered mindset?

It is not easy. But this past week I read an excellent little book that has a chapter which speaks to this issue. The book is called “The Hidden Art of Homemaking” by Edith Schaeffer. Don’t let the title fool you: the book is a marvelous study of how everyday activities can become God-honoring, creative expressions for the Christian. It addresses both men and women and I highly recommend you read it. One of the latter chapters contains an excellent quote which I want to look at today:

We produce the environment other people have to live in.

Edith Schaeffer

What the quote means

Your behavior has a definite effect on others

What I love about this quote is it awakens a new awareness: your behavior directly affects other people. Your behavior makes part of the world other people have to live in. The main point of this chapter in “The Hidden Art of Homemaking” is you can positively and creativity add good to another person’s life. How you act, your attitude, what you value all create an environment other people have to live in.

Put another way, nothing you do is “neutral”. Everything you do, everything you are, affects the people you come in contact with. If you are always sad or dour or depressed, it isn’t just “your problem”. Edith Schaeffer gives the example in the book of a coworker who is always complaining. After talking with such a person, do you ever feel motivated in your own work?

On the other hand, if you interact with a joyful person, a motivated person you yourself often start to feel motivated and more joyful. You daily, moment by moment create a little “world” by your behavior, character, and values which other people enter and interact with you in. Your life has an active role in the lives of other people.

Why it is important

An others-centered mindset means noticing how your behavior affects other people

If you are aware that your personal behavior creates an environment for other people to live in, it becomes easier to become others-centered. The awareness that you are moment by moment having an impact on other people’s lives (whether you like it or not) causes you to start asking the question “What kind of environment am I creating for this other person right now?“

As Christians, the type of environment you should want to create is clear: a Christ-centered, God-glorifying, holy and beautiful environment. It can become very easy to not even think about how your life affects other people. But once your mind grabs on to the idea that you are continuously creating the environment other people live in, you can start actively and intentionally shaping that environment.

An “others-centered mindset” starts with realizing other people exist around you and that your behavior impacts them.

Personally, this quote from “The Hidden Art of Homemaking” has made me more aware of people around me. Rather than just thinking of myself and how I feel in every single social interaction, I start asking myself “Am I creating a Christ-centered environment for this person? How can I better this person’s life in a small way with this interaction?”

Takeaways

1. Remind yourself that you are commanded to love others as yourself

It is not enough to simply realize your life affects others. You must also remember Scripture’s commands with regards to how you treat others:

  • Love your enemies.
  • Outdo one another in showing honor.
  • Forgive as you have been forgiven.

Cultivating an others-centered mindset does not just stop with creating a “positive environment” in interacting with others. There is nothing overtly Christian about a “positive environment.” Your interactions with others must be in obedience to Scripture’s commands in order to truly have a “positive” effect on those around you.

Don’t settle for “positive interactions.” Pursue loving, Christ-centered, God-exalting interactions.

And I don’t think it is a stretch to add that loving, Christ-centered, God-exalting interactions often include explicit discussion and sharing of Scripture.

2. Take a thoughtful and active role in your interactions with others

I am more and more convinced that having an others-centered mindset means taking the initiative when interacting with other people. You pursue the other person. You start the conversation. When there is a lull, you keep the conversation going. You ask insightful questions to get to the heart whatever issue you are discussing.

If it is true that you and I create the environment other people live in, then we probably should become more thoughtful when we interact with others. Personally, I have thought more about how my daily behaviors (even in the little things) affect my wife. How are my actions creating a Christ-honoring environment for her? Am I acting in a way that is making it easier for her to live in obedience to Christ or harder?

And once you do that reflection, you can actively pursue an environment you desire. In the case of my wife, it might mean asking her spiritually-focused questions. Or it might mean giving up my own desires to serve her around the house. An others-centered mindset takes responsibility for the part you play in the lives of others. I would argue this mindset starts and primarily plays out in the home: how you interact with your spouse and children.

3. Realize every interaction is a God-given opportunity

Probably my favorite takeaway from this Edith Schaeffer quote is the exalted perspective it gives to the mundane. You interact with dozens of people daily. Oftentimes, they are not “important” people like Presidents or world leaders. They are also often not “important” interactions. It might be a few minutes here, a conversation there, or a chat over a meal.

But once you realize you are creating the environment other people live in, even little interactions become opportunities. You stop going from one thing to the next aimlessly. Every single time you cross paths with another human being, God is giving you an opportunity. The question is will you take advantage of the opportunity or not? If you truly believe that God is absolutely sovereign, there are no accidental interactions.

So have thoughtful and prayerful interactions with others. Don’t let opportunities pass you by. Every day you contribute to the life, environment, and world of other people. Choose, in obedience to Scripture, to make that world more holy and God-glorifying through your actions, values, and words.

I highly recommend you purchase and read “The Hidden Art of Homemaking.” Click here to read about other books I recommend. Be sure to follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more weekly content and subscribe below so you don’t miss out on future posts.