Cultivating an Others-centered Mindset
I don’t think I need to argue that human beings are naturally self-centered. It isn’t for nothing that the Bible says to “love your neighbor as yourself” and “in humility consider others more important than yourself”. Our natural bent is to self-love and preoccupation with our own needs. So how do you cultivate an others-centered mindset?
It is not easy. But this past week I read an excellent little book that has a chapter which speaks to this issue. The book is called “The Hidden Art of Homemaking” by Edith Schaeffer. Don’t let the title fool you: the book is a marvelous study of how everyday activities can become God-honoring, creative expressions for the Christian. It addresses both men and women and I highly recommend you read it. One of the latter chapters contains an excellent quote which I want to look at today:
We produce the environment other people have to live in.
Edith Schaeffer
What the quote means
Your behavior has a definite effect on others
What I love about this quote is it awakens a new awareness: your behavior directly affects other people. Your behavior makes part of the world other people have to live in. The main point of this chapter in “The Hidden Art of Homemaking” is you can positively and creativity add good to another person’s life. How you act, your attitude, what you value all create an environment other people have to live in.
Put another way, nothing you do is “neutral”. Everything you do, everything you are, affects the people you come in contact with. If you are always sad or dour or depressed, it isn’t just “your problem”. Edith Schaeffer gives the example in the book of a coworker who is always complaining. After talking with such a person, do you ever feel motivated in your own work?
On the other hand, if you interact with a joyful person, a motivated person you yourself often start to feel motivated and more joyful. You daily, moment by moment create a little “world” by your behavior, character, and values which other people enter and interact with you in. Your life has an active role in the lives of other people.
Why it is important
An others-centered mindset means noticing how your behavior affects other people
If you are aware that your personal behavior creates an environment for other people to live in, it becomes easier to become others-centered. The awareness that you are moment by moment having an impact on other people’s lives (whether you like it or not) causes you to start asking the question “What kind of environment am I creating for this other person right now?“
As Christians, the type of environment you should want to create is clear: a Christ-centered, God-glorifying, holy and beautiful environment. It can become very easy to not even think about how your life affects other people. But once your mind grabs on to the idea that you are continuously creating the environment other people live in, you can start actively and intentionally shaping that environment.
An “others-centered mindset” starts with realizing other people exist around you and that your behavior impacts them.
Personally, this quote from “The Hidden Art of Homemaking” has made me more aware of people around me. Rather than just thinking of myself and how I feel in every single social interaction, I start asking myself “Am I creating a Christ-centered environment for this person? How can I better this person’s life in a small way with this interaction?”
Takeaways
1. Remind yourself that you are commanded to love others as yourself
It is not enough to simply realize your life affects others. You must also remember Scripture’s commands with regards to how you treat others:
- Love your enemies.
- Outdo one another in showing honor.
- Forgive as you have been forgiven.
Cultivating an others-centered mindset does not just stop with creating a “positive environment” in interacting with others. There is nothing overtly Christian about a “positive environment.” Your interactions with others must be in obedience to Scripture’s commands in order to truly have a “positive” effect on those around you.
Don’t settle for “positive interactions.” Pursue loving, Christ-centered, God-exalting interactions.
And I don’t think it is a stretch to add that loving, Christ-centered, God-exalting interactions often include explicit discussion and sharing of Scripture.
2. Take a thoughtful and active role in your interactions with others
I am more and more convinced that having an others-centered mindset means taking the initiative when interacting with other people. You pursue the other person. You start the conversation. When there is a lull, you keep the conversation going. You ask insightful questions to get to the heart whatever issue you are discussing.
If it is true that you and I create the environment other people live in, then we probably should become more thoughtful when we interact with others. Personally, I have thought more about how my daily behaviors (even in the little things) affect my wife. How are my actions creating a Christ-honoring environment for her? Am I acting in a way that is making it easier for her to live in obedience to Christ or harder?
And once you do that reflection, you can actively pursue an environment you desire. In the case of my wife, it might mean asking her spiritually-focused questions. Or it might mean giving up my own desires to serve her around the house. An others-centered mindset takes responsibility for the part you play in the lives of others. I would argue this mindset starts and primarily plays out in the home: how you interact with your spouse and children.
3. Realize every interaction is a God-given opportunity
Probably my favorite takeaway from this Edith Schaeffer quote is the exalted perspective it gives to the mundane. You interact with dozens of people daily. Oftentimes, they are not “important” people like Presidents or world leaders. They are also often not “important” interactions. It might be a few minutes here, a conversation there, or a chat over a meal.
But once you realize you are creating the environment other people live in, even little interactions become opportunities. You stop going from one thing to the next aimlessly. Every single time you cross paths with another human being, God is giving you an opportunity. The question is will you take advantage of the opportunity or not? If you truly believe that God is absolutely sovereign, there are no accidental interactions.
So have thoughtful and prayerful interactions with others. Don’t let opportunities pass you by. Every day you contribute to the life, environment, and world of other people. Choose, in obedience to Scripture, to make that world more holy and God-glorifying through your actions, values, and words.
I highly recommend you purchase and read “The Hidden Art of Homemaking.” Click here to read about other books I recommend. Be sure to follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more weekly content and subscribe below so you don’t miss out on future posts.