Category: Thoughts

holding a baby
6 Spiritually Profitable Things You Can Do While Holding a Baby

6 Spiritually Profitable Things You Can Do While Holding a Baby

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Lately, I have spent a large portion of my days and nights holding a baby. The question I have asked myself during these extended periods of holding him is “how can I redeem this time for spiritual good? Is there anything spiritually profitable I can do while holding my baby?”

The past couple weeks, I have found 6 different answers to these questions. While certainly non-exhaustive, these 6 things have helped me focus my mind on the Lord as I have been walking, standing, or sitting with a baby in my arms. What is the goal of all this? Redeeming the time in accordance to what God says:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Ephesians 5:15-16, ESV emphasis added

Even if you don’t find yourself holding a baby, no doubt you have free moments throughout the day. These free moments may be short, but they are opportunities to invest in your soul and in your relationship with the Lord. Here are some ways to spend those moments.

1. Pray

Before having a baby, I often asked the Lord to give me more time to pray throughout the day. He certainly answered that request by giving me a son. The first couple sleepless nights in the hospital I sat holding my son in the dark and the silence-alone except for me, my son, and the Lord. I will never forget the sweet times of prayer in the hospital holding a baby I cared so much about and who I wanted to know Christ one day.

This taught me an important lesson:

You don’t have to wait around for an opportunity to pray. You can do it now.

Communion with the Lord is made possible through Christ and that communion is possible at any moment. The key is to take the times of silence God gives you to turn our attention back to Him. Holding a baby is one of those opportunities, but so is a host of other life circumstances. Next time you find yourself having a free moment, keep your phone off. Don’t turn on music or flip on the television. Dedicate those fleeting calm moments to pray to the God who made you, knows you, and loves you.

2. Read

If I am holding my son and he is asleep, I most likely have one hand free. That means I can hold a Christian book or, better yet, the Bible. I normally can get through a chapter or two of Scripture or a couple sections of a book before my son wakes up. I personally don’t care for audio books or e-readers, but I imagine both of these are even more accessible while holding a baby.

A consistent diet of Biblical truth is what you and I need to grow. Like the Psalmist in Psalm 119, you should be longing for God’s word. This longing will manifest itself in picking up the Bible or a book on the Bible any chance you get. Don’t feel like you have to get through Calvin’s Institutes in one sitting. Just have a book nearby and pick it up when you have a free moment.

3. Sing hymns

When I am holding my son, he is not always silent or happy. That means praying or reading might be difficult or impossible. What then can I do? Sing hymns of worship. This has two joint benefits: I get to worship God and my son gets to hear Christian hymns (hopefully soothing him). There are two ways to do this:

  • Have a hymnal nearby
  • Memorize as many Christian hymns as you can

This is one of my favorite uses of time holding my son. And guess what? There are dozens of other opportunities God gives you throughout your day to sing praises to hymn beyond holding a baby. Remember what James 5 says:

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.

James 5:13, ESV

If you are feeling joy in the Lord, don’t let anything hold you back from singing. You and I have no excuse in the modern world where we have the lyrics and music to thousands of hymns at our fingertips.

Sing to the Lord so your kids can here you praising Jesus.

4. Recite a memorized Scripture passage

I don’t think Christians can over-emphasize the importance of Bible memorization. It is easy to think in a culture where everyone can get the Bible on their phones that memorization is a relic of the past. But nothing could be further from the truth. Memorization is an essential spiritual discipline to get the truth of the Bible inside your head to stay.

Holding a baby is a great time to run through Scripture verses you have memorized. You can recite a whole book of the Bible to yourself and your baby if you have it memorized! This is not some feat only a select few Christians can achieve:

Scripture memorization is a test of consistency and discipline, not of inherent intelligence.

If you want a useful and easy method to start memorizing chunks of Scripture, look here.

5. Meditate on a verse or section of the Bible

If all you can hold in your mind is a single Bible verse, you have a truth you can meditate on while holding a baby. What is Bible meditation? It is musing over and over a part of the Bible, thinking through what it says, what other passages it relates to, and the passage’s implications. The Bible itself extols the value of meditating on God’s words “day and night.”

You know what I find myself doing day and night? Holding my son. Therefore, I have a perfect opportunity each day to live out what God says in Scripture. By meditating on His word, I can, with the Holy Spirit’s help, turn a simple everyday task of holding a baby into a sanctifying time of spiritual strengthening. You might not have time to do a full inductive Bible study every hour of your day. But I am certain if you committed yourself to meditating on Scripture, you could find time throughout your schedule to think over a precious truth or promise or command from God.

6. Listen to a sermon or Christian podcast or teaching

Do you have a phone? Then you have an almost inexhaustible library of Christian preaching and teaching at your disposal. I have half a dozen apps on my phone exclusively for solid, reformed Christian teaching:

  • Expositor FM (they appear to be currently updating their site)
  • Martin Lloyd-Jones Sermons
  • S. Lewis Johnson Sermons
  • Ligonier Ministries
  • Sermon of the Day from Desiring God
  • Grace to You

In fact, I bet your local Church has an online sermon repository which you can access. Why not listen through your Sunday sermon a second time throughout the week? In short, you can hear the word of God preached almost anywhere you go and at anytime you want. So why wouldn’t you take advantage of that?

There you have it: 6 spiritually profitable things I am trying to do while holding my son. Even if you don’t have a baby currently, I would encourage you to take advantage of each free moment you have. You don’t need to have hours on end in a row to pursue the Lord.

Worship God in the little moments as well as the big.

If you want to read more of my reflections on different life circumstances, click here. If you found this post helpful, please share on social media below and subscribe. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more content.

book quote of the week
Staples of a Balanced Bible Diet

Staples of a Balanced Bible Diet

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How can a believer consistently internalize the word of God on a day to day basis?How does one cultivate a balanced bible diet? Most mature Christians I meet have two fundamental realities they face each day:

  • They want to spend time with the Lord in His Word to grow in godliness
  • Each day’s schedule is incredibly busy and packed with activities and tasks that have to get done

What is the best way to daily put yourself before the word of God in the midst of all the normal, everyday things that need to get done? I have asked myself this in every stage of life so far and with my family newly expanding, I find myself thinking through this issue again.

I have already written about the book “The Practice of Godliness” by Jerry Bridges. As I have been working through the book, it continues to prove itself an excellent read. I want to analyze a quote I recently read which helps answer some of the questions posed above. Bridges gives 5 staples of a balanced bible diet to work into your day.

A prominent part of our practice of godliness, therefore, will be our time in the Word of God. How we spend that time varies according to the method of intake…hearing, reading, studying, memorizing, and meditating.

The Practice of Godliness by Jerry Bridges

What the quote means

This quote appears in a chapter which discusses training yourself for godliness. Bridges rightly argues that one of the primary means by which a believer becomes more godly is through diligent and disciplined exposure to the word of God. Bridges then cites the Navigators five different methods of Scripture intake: hearing, reading, studying, memorizing, and meditating.

These five different categories of Scripture intake are incredibly helpful to keep in your mind. Hearing has to do with listening to the exposition of the Word of God from your Pastor or a teacher. Bridges describes “reading” as a structured Bible reading plan you go through in a year. The basic idea is getting a broad look at Scripture. Studying has to do with going deep into a text using analytical tools and then organizing your information afterwards.

The last two, memorizing and meditating, are closely related. Memorizing is internalizing Scripture to the point you can recall it easily to your mind. Meditating means “murmuring to yourself” the words of Scripture so you are constantly mulling a text over in your mind. Personally, I think meditating is the highest form of Scripture intake and all the other four support the goal of meditating on the Word of God “day and night.”

Why it is important

There is an old adage that goes “variety is the spice of life.” Similarly, I would say “variety keeps you engaged with Scripture.” If you want a balanced Bible diet, you need to think about all five different methods of Scripture intake, not just one or two. In our flesh, you and I are lazy thinkers, readers, and “remember-ers”.

If you want to retain and live out what you read in the Bible, you need to have times of hearing, reading, studying, memorizing, and meditating on God’s Word.

Varying how you engage with Scripture does two things:

  • It allows you to fit time in the Word into the various contexts you find yourself in each day
  • You will keep you mind from becoming bored with one passage or mode of Scripture intake

Oftentimes, one quiet time is not enough in a day. You will need several times throughout the day and oftentimes each session in God’s word will have to look different than the last one. Rarely can you do an in-depth study of Scripture 20 times a day. Instead, you can vary the modes of Scripture intake so that you can stay engaged with God’s word whether you are at work, at home, at the store or wherever you find yourself.

Create as many avenues to Scripture in your day as you can.

Takeaways

1. Look at your schedule to see where you can work in each type of Bible engagement

You might not be able to study Scripture in depth on your commute to work. But you can definitely listen to a sermon on the drive. Or you can listen to someone reading through the Bible. Perhaps during your lunch break, you can’t listen to sermon but you can take a walk and meditate on what God taught you in your morning quiet time. Your mind might be wandering during your Bible reading; why not force your mind to focus by memorizing a couple verses?

There is an opportunity for you to be growing in your knowledge of the word of God no matter where you are or what you are doing.

Why else would the Psalmist talk about meditating on God’s law “day and night” if it wasn’t possible? If this doesn’t describe your current life, you are going to need to work on building the habit of exposing yourself to the Word throughout your entire day. As you look at your schedule this week or for an individual day, think through times in which you could read Scripture. Hear Scripture. Meditate on Scripture.

I am confident God has given you time throughout the day for each of the five parts of a balanced Bible diet. You just have to look and plan. Your goal shouldn’t be to have one quiet time of good Bible study a day. That certainly is great and you make time for it. But your goal should be more than that: fixing your life around God’s truth day in and day out. Easier said than done, I know. But it is a goal worth working towards.

2. Shift between the different Bible diet types if you aren’t able to do one

Are you tired and exhausted? Then maybe you shouldn’t do a full inductive Bible study on the book of Romans. What I love about the five different modes of Bible intake that Bridges lays out is you have options depending on how you are feeling. A lot of times, you might want to read your Bible but there is some external barrier keeping you from it. But as Bridges describes, you actually have five options of Bible intake.

Even if there is a barrier keeping you from deep Bible study, that same barrier might not keep you from listening to a sermon. And, of course, Bible meditation can always be done as long as you have a verse in your mind to think through. As I have had to stay awake with a new born, I now understand the wisdom of the Psalmist who meditates on God’s word during the “watches of the night.”

Regardless of how you are feeling or what your schedule is, there is a way for you to engage with God’s word

This post is part of an ongoing series called “Book Quote of the Week”. Click here to read any posts you may have missed. If you found this post helpful, share and subscribe below. Be sure to follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more content.

unexpected lessons from my son's birth
Unexpected Lessons From my Son’s Birth

Unexpected Lessons From my Son’s Birth

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The past week has been a whirlwind. I had to take a break from posting because my son was finally born. The past four days have changed me in too many ways to count. But I thought I would record some unexpected lessons from my son’s birth.

Sometimes the greatest pain proceeds the greatest joys

The first of the unexpected lessons I learned from my son’s birth came from watching my wife go through labor pains. I have always hated seeing my wife in pain, so watching her go through contraction after contraction was incredibly difficult. As the pain intensified, I kept asking myself “what can I do to help her as she goes through this pain?”

The answer came from a phrase a lady from our church shared with us: “You are working to meet your baby.” In other words, the pain my wife was going through was not futile or meaningless. It had a goal. A purpose. And that purpose was to meet our son.

It was watching my wife go through labor pains that helped me understand Hebrews 12:2. Jesus went through the suffering and shame of the cross for the joy set before Him. The joy of our salvation was purchased through the suffering of the Son of God.

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2 ESV, emphasis added

Both my wife and I wanted to have a son. But because of the curse of sin, the only way to reach the joy of parenthood was through the pain of labor. God has built in an insightful lesson into the common grace of child birth. We as humans simply want the joy. Immediately. Without delay and without effort. Suffering and pain are especially undesirable for us.

But in this fallen world, most of the joys God has in store for us lead first through pain. That isn’t to say you should love the pain. Rather, like Christ, you should look past the pain to what lies ahead.

To persevere, you must keep the proper perspective.

And if your perspective is fixed on your circumstances or whatever pain you are feeling, you will never see the joy God has in store.

God promises sanctification, not quick relief from suffering

The second of the unexpected lessons I learned from my son’s birth came through the first two nights at the hospital. My wife had only gotten one hour of sleep within 24 hours, so I knew I needed to be the one to stay up with my son. Just for perspective, even in college I had never pulled a straight “all-nighter” and it has been a while since I went with less than 5 hours of sleep.

But as the Lord would have it, the first two nights after my son’s birth included back to back all-nighters. It was truly like living my worst nightmare. I would soothe our son, put him in the bassinet hoping against hope he would stay asleep. Then, I would crawl on the hard hospital couch, pull up my thin sheets only to hear a whimper. Then a cry. Next? A full out meltdown.

Each time I laid my son down more exhausted than the previous cycle, I would pray to God “Please Lord, let my son sleep!” The answer came within 20 minutes: God’s sovereign will declared that I would not be getting sleep. My patience was tested more in those first two nights than they have in the past two years at least.

Reflecting back on the hospital, I realized God never promised or “owed me” letting my son sleep through the night. God’s will for my life is for my sanctification, making me like Jesus in character and action. But all I wanted God to give me quick, instant relief. To make it all go away and make it all better.

But God did not give me relief those first couple nights. And that was a good thing. By forcing me to stay up all night and sacrifice myself for my son and wife, the Lord taught me endurance. He taught me what it means to rely on His strength.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-9a ESV emphasis added

I pleaded with the Lord a lot more than three times to let my son sleep. But instead of answering my request how I wanted it answered, God instead supplied the strength and mental focus I needed to stay up with my son. And in the end, my character is stronger now than it would have been if God has just given me instant relief.

Plans are great; God’s will is better

The final of the unexpected lessons I learned from my son’s birth is one I learned when the COVID pandemic completely changed my wife and my wedding plans. That lesson is one I constantly need to hear: I am not the master of my own fate. Or to put it in Biblical terms:

The heart of man plans his way,

    but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9 ESV

My wife and I went into the labor process with a marvelous birth plan. We knew what we wanted, what we didn’t want, and pictured how it would go. Then, after 9 hours of labor, my wife needed an emergency C-section: the one thing we didn’t want to happen. Within 5 minutes, my wife was wheeled away and I was left with a written out birth plan that no longer meant anything.

God has a persistent and gracious habit of reminding you that He is Lord of our lives. Not us.

In the end, wife and child were happy and I could not have been more pleased with how the labor went. Sure it wasn’t “according to plan” or “how we envisioned it.” But as I have written before, our modern culture is obsessed with somehow finding the perfect path to reach our goals.

But God alone has all wisdom and foreknowledge. My wife and I enjoyed planning what we wanted in our labor, but in the end, we had no power to bring our plan to pass. God alone has that power. As Paul says in Romans, from God, through God, and to God is everything. That includes our son and how he entered the world.

Conclusion

I hope to return to writing more regularly in the weeks ahead. But honestly, I have appreciated the time to just experience the novelty and life changing experience of becoming a parent. God is already growing my character and perspective. These are only three of many lessons I have been reflecting on. One of the great blessings of knowing the God of the universe through Jesus Christ is being able to look back on experiences and say

  • God ordained that situation as part of His plan for my life
  • God has a purpose in letting me go through that circumstance
  • Therefore, I can look at everything I experience and ask “What is God teaching me?”

Whether you are married, single, child-less, or with a full quiver, don’t ever stop reflecting on what God is showing you in each season of life.

This post if part of an ongoing series of reflection pieces called “What I learned from…” Read other posts in this series here. If you found this post helpful, share and subscribe below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get thought-provoking quotes and resource recommendations weekly.

under-discussed aspects of the Christian life
4 Under-discussed Aspects of the Christian Life

4 Under-discussed Aspects of the Christian Life

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Growing up, I expected the older I got, the less advice I would need. How wrong I was. I find myself constantly trying to glean as much practical wisdom from other believers as I possibly can. Books, podcasts, and online sermons are all helpful, but there is nothing like talking with a fellow Christian about how to live out your faith in Christ. With that said, I would say there are 4 under-discussed aspects of the Christian life. Aspects which I always crave more wisdom on than I can get.

Why do I call them under-discussed? These are topics which almost every Christian has to think and live through each week. No matter how different an individual week is, most Christians need to go to work, have to figure out how much or little to open up their home, interact with other people (both believers and non-believers), and function within a family unit.

Even though these are weekly contexts in which Christians live, I find they are not discussed enough. These topics are not taught on or even talked about in proportion with the amount of time Christians spend living within these contexts. In this post, I want to introduce the four under-discussed aspects of the Christian life I have in mind.

The Christian at Work

This might be the single most under-discussed area Christians need wisdom and teaching on. There are dozens of Christian books on how to study the Bible better and how to function within the local Church. And that’s great; all those books are good and necessary and beneficial. However, most of my week is not spent within the local Church. It normally isn’t even spent in front of a Bible. Most of my week is spent pouring myself into some sort of vocation.

Therefore, most of my practical questions I need answered, most of the interactions I need prayer for, and the context where I am called to glorify God most frequently is at work. In a secular office with a mix of believers, professing believers, and non-believers. You would think there would be more books on what the Bible says about work than there are.

Anyone who has read Scripture through knows God cares greatly about work: how you do work, why you do work, principles for effective labor. Your vocation is a fundamental part of who God has called you to be. As such, there is a lot of daily wisdom needed on how to work in a God-glorifying way.

Biblical teaching on work is especially important because of the temptations which often accompany it. You can idolize work, find your identity in it, work dishonestly, or use your vocation as a way to pursue worldly riches.

Christians everywhere need sound, Biblical teaching to clarify how to do their 9 to 5 to the glory of God and for the fame of Christ.

Pretty much every week I wish I had more Biblical wisdom for interacting at work. I don’t think I’m the only one.

Hospitality

Another task everyone does each week is scheduling. What the family is going to do, what events they are going to attend, and what things will they say “no” to. What normal Christian families do, don’t do, or plan to do each week ties into this idea of hospitality. I agree with Rosaria Butterfield’s emphasis on the importance of ordinary hospitality. But it is another under-discussed aspect of the Christian life where wisdom is needed.

When was the last time you were directly discipled on how to practice hospitality? In my experience, there are Christians who prioritize opening up their homes each week and who know generally what to do, while other Christians struggle with leaving their week and door open for others. Regardless of which camp you fall into, more Biblically informed wisdom and teaching would surely help local congregations get a better grasp on hospitality.

Building Meaningful Relationships

I have written before that I think most everyone is at least a little bit lonely. Humans crave connection. Beyond that, each person interacts with dozens of people each week whether you want connection or not. How should Christians interact with others? How do you cultivate meaningful relationships? There are so many surface level conversations and “friendships”, but how do you get to a deeper place of knowing the other person?

The Bible has much to say about how you are to interact with others, both within the Church and outside the Church. Yet, even though this is a vital topic on most people’s minds and the Bible has much to say on the issue, I have heard very few direct teachings on how Christians build meaningful relationships. Maybe once in a while a topical series on evangelism or discipleship pops up. But because interactions and relationships with other people are a daily reality for every Christian, I would argue there needs to be more discussion around how the Bible guides our relationships with others.

Family Worship

I have read many articles and posts on the importance of family worship. But often after reading those articles, I am left with a pervasive “that is great, but how do I do it?” Christians understand the importance of the family unit. Yet, I fear too little thought is given on equipping each family unit to function to God’s glory throughout the week.

There are plenty of Children’s ministries, Vacation Bible Schools, and other “Church family events” around, but I have yet to hear a formal walk through of what the Scripture teaches on family worship. I have seen examples of family worship done well, but as with hospitality, I generally see one group of believers who do family worship well and another group who does not prioritize family worship. I wonder if this is because they were not taught clearly what family worship is and how to do it well.

Implications

1. Pastors, please be aware of these weekly realities in your congregation

If you are a Pastor, Elder, or teach regularly at your Church, please keep these 4 under-discussed aspects of the Christian life in your mind as you prepare your sermon. Almost every believer in your body will have questions, struggles, or need wisdom in at least one of these areas. As much as your congregation cares about your subtle knowledge of the Greek, they are likely more concerned with how to honor God with their work this next week. Or when to schedule dinner with their neighbors. Or how to structure family worship each evening.

Teachers at Church have the high privilege of bringing the Word of God to bear on the most mundane aspects of daily life.

2. Discuss these topics with other believers

One of my favorite Proverbs is “there is safety in a multitude of counselors.” I guarantee other believers around you have thought about and wrestled with these four areas of day-to-day life. Most of the time, you won’t find whole books written on these topics or hear whole sermons preached on them. But you can grow in applying Biblical wisdom to these four areas by finding other Christians who are already doing it.

For example, some of the best, most insightful “teachings” I have had on Christianity and vocation have not come from a book or from a pulpit. They have come talking with a couple other brothers about their workweek: what things are easy, and what things are difficult. Don’t wait to get instruction on these 4 aspects of the Christian life. “Get wisdom” by taking advantage of the saints around you.

3. Think about these topics during Bible study & sermon application

If you want to grow in godliness in each of these aspects of the Christian life, you are going to have to constantly be on the look-out during Bible study and sermon application. Each text you look at, each sermon you hear, ask whether the text has any bearing on the four areas discussed above. You will be surprised with the frequency with which God speaks to these issues and the wisdom Scripture provides.

These four under-discussed aspects of the Christian life are only a few areas I personally have desired more teaching on. There are no doubt countless more. Just remember: God has provided in Christ everything you need for life and godliness, and His Word is the source of all wisdom and authority.

Christ is Lord of your normal, mundane work week just as much as He is Lord of the Church and Lord of history.

So let us work to better apply Biblical wisdom to each of these aspects of our lives.

For more of my reflections, check out the “What I learned from…” page. If you found this post helpful or encouraging, share and subscribe below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram for more content.

book quote of the week
Don’t Wait for the Perfect Situation

Don’t Wait for the Perfect Situation

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The amount of choice you and I have in the modern world can be paralyzing. You go to a store to buy paint and you are greeted by 100 shades of every color you could want. Or maybe you search for a job online and find dozens of openings in locations throughout the world. Decision making becomes difficult when faced with an abundance of options. And just when you are about to make a decision, the question creeps into your mind “Why don’t you wait for a perfect situation or option? Surely it is out there somewhere!”

I recently began reading through a book called “Think for Yourself: Restoring Common Sense in an Age of Experts and Artificial Intelligence” by Vikram Mansharamani. The book so far focuses on how the amount of options you and I have each day leads us to trust experts, computer algorithms, and protocols to make decisions for us. “Think for Yourself” has some incredibly insightful points relevant to living in the modern world. Today, I want to look at one of the most impactful quotes in the beginning of the book.

This explosion of data dangles the possibility of an optimal decision, leaving us with constant low-grade regret and fear of missing out on the best option.

Think for Yourself, Vikram Mansharamani

What the quote means

More data, more problems

This quote contains one of the main propositions of the book: you believe that if you only had enough time and information, you could choose the perfect option. And “Think for Yourself” argues that this belief leads to a constant regret over the decisions you have made and keeps you consistently afraid of missing out on the perfect option.

Vikram points out in his book just how much data you and I have access to. When I say “data”, I mean “information that you can use to make a decision.” For example, let’s say you want to go out for dinner at a restaurant. You are not limited to the restaurants you currently know of. Instead, you can simply look up on your phone all the restaurants around you. Depending on where you are, you might get about 20 restaurants to choose from.

That is what Vikram means when he says you and I have access to an “explosion of data.” With a few clicks, you and I can see every restaurant option within 20 miles of us. At first, you might think this is a perfectly good thing. Isn’t more options better than less options? What I find most profound in the quote above is what Vikram says this amount of choice leads to: the “possibility of an optimal decision.”

What this means is you believe in the back of your mind that you can choose the perfect option if you have enough time and information. In our restaurant example, after seeing all the options, you start searching through them not just find a “good enough” place to eat dinner; you want to search the options to find the perfect, best, ideal restaurant for you at this exact moment in time.

This belief that the perfect decision is out there, just waiting to be discovered leads to two things according to “Think for Yourself.” First, it leads to low-grade regret. You can never be certain that you actually chose the best option out there. When you finally choose a restaurant and go to it, how can you know you chose the right one? And if you are disappointed in any way with your choice, isn’t that a sign that you didn’t find the perfect, ideal restaurant? Thinking this way leads to regretting the decisions you made.

Secondly, the belief you can find the perfect option leads you to have a “fear of missing.” Perhaps you look at the list of restaurants and you narrow it down to five top choices. How do you decide which to go to? Making this final decision can become difficult because you are afraid of choosing wrong. What if you pick the second best restaurant?

You have as much choice as you could want, but this choice ends up making it harder to decide in the end.

Why it is important

Don’t wait for the perfect situation or complete information to make a decision

What struck me as I read this quote is how frequently I have personally experienced this mindset in my life or in the lives of believers around me. My Church is close to several colleges, and college students frequently ask the questions “who should I marry?” and “Where should I work?” These are big decisions, and it is here where the desire to make a perfect decision creeps in.

Everyone, including Christians, is susceptible to the belief that the perfect is out there, just waiting for us. If you only have enough time and information, you can marry the perfect Christian, get the perfect job, serve Christ in the perfect way and so on. “Good enough” is seen as “settling for less.” And “Think for Yourself” is exactly right when it says this mindset leads to regret and fear of missing out.

The “who should I marry?” question is a great example. Scripture is clear Christians should marry only believers. But God does not spell out in the stars who you should marry. Furthermore, the Bible makes it clear that even the most godly person is nothing more than a redeemed sinner. But it is easy to think if you had enough time and information, you could find the absolute perfect, compatible, amazing match and gain nothing but happiness once you marry this person.

Such a mindset (which I believe comes from the world not the culture) will make you terrified of choosing the wrong person to date. It will will also cause you to start thinking “maybe I didn’t choose the right spouse” if you do marry that person and they disappoint you. This same pattern plays out in dozens of decisions you make whether it is as important as what job you choose or as mundane as what restaurant you eat at.

What is the solution? Don’t wait for the perfect situation. Even with all the technology and information you and I have access to, we still live in a fallen world. More than that, information does not become omniscience. God alone is all-knowing and all-wise.

To implicitly think you can make a perfect decision purely based on information is to ignore basic theology. Christians make decisions in faith with full dependence on the Lord.

Takeaways

1. Act in faith and humble dependence on the Lord

Don’t wait for the perfect situation to make a decision. Oftentimes, you don’t need more information, you need to trust the Lord and then act based on the information you have. There is a place for getting wisdom from a “multitude of counselors” and there is certainly a place for seeking the Lord in prayer and in the Word. But even if you ask every Christian in the entire planet, read every Word of the Bible and spend a month in earnest prayer you will still have to make a decision based on faith and trust in the Lord.

It is foolish to believe that you can figure out God’s secret will if you just wait long enough to make a decision. “The secret things belong to the Lord our God” Deuteronomy 29:29 says. At some point, you must act in faith, trusting that God is the one in control of your life, not you. You rely on the Lord, seek His will, and then act based on what you know to be true. This frees you focusing on finding the perfect decision to every choice you are faced with.

2. Trust that God is sovereign over your decisions

Now, you might be thinking “if I don’t wait for the perfect situation, won’t that mean I could choose the wrong thing?” To answer this question, I would remind you that God is sovereign over all things, including decisions you make. That does not mean you won’t sin or make a “wrong” decision. But that does mean as you act in faith, seeking to be as obedient to God as possible, you can live without regret or fear of missing out.

If God is working all your life together to make you more like Christ, you can truly “forget the things which are behind and reach forward to the things that are ahead.” What a freeing perspective! Instead of getting caught up in trying to make perfect decisions in every situation, you act in faith and trust that God is active in and over your life. This allows you to look back on the decisions you have made and look for God’s providential hand, rather than looking for where you chose the less-than-ideal.

3. God makes your paths straight, not more information

One of the most profound verses in Scripture is “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

There is a subtle idolatry which occurs when you think if you only had more information, you could make a perfect decision.

To put it another way, it is easy to think that if you looked through all the data, you could make your own paths straight. This is leaning on your own understanding.

Even in the “modern world” where you have access to a ton of information and can grow your “understanding”, you cannot make your paths straight. That is what I love about the quote from “Think for Yourself.” It is a reminder that all the information apart from God will just lead to regret and fear of making the wrong decision. The Bible offers a better way: acknowledging God in all your decisions.

You cannot make your own paths straight, but God can.

So don’t wait around for the perfect situation. Trust in the Lord, acknowledge Him in all your ways, then go and live in obedience to His revealed will.

If you missed a previous Book Quote of the Week, read it here. If you found this post helpful, share and subscribe below. Be sure to follow The Average Churchman on Instagram so you don’t miss any content.

how to work hospitality into your busy schedule
How to Work Hospitality Into Your Busy Schedule

How to Work Hospitality Into Your Busy Schedule

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Most Christians I have talked to like the idea of hospitality. Maybe they have read “The Gospel Comes with a House Key.” Perhaps they know a couple at their Church who is always opening up their home. But liking the idea of hospitality and actually inviting people over your house are two very different things. What is the biggest barrier to opening up your home? Oftentimes, it is scheduling. There are only 7 days in a week, so how do you work hospitality into your busy schedule?

Hospitality is having people over your house to talk with them, get to know them, and hopefully to have opportunities to speak into their lives. It is an avenue to discipleship, evangelism, and closeness with others. Hospitality is a simple concept and a much needed practice in our modern, disconnected world. Having strangers over to share a meal is one of the best ways to start meaningful relationships.

In this post, I want to you give three simple steps to start building hospitality into your week.

Step 1: Choose a day of the week you will open up your home

The first step is simple: set apart an evening for having people over your house. The best way to start a new habit is to schedule it. You aren’t going to wake up one day and decide you should have a dozen people over your house. It oftentimes starts with planning on having people over for one dinner.

Look at your typical week. Choose an evening you will keep free each week. That is the evening you will invite people over for dinner. Don’t schedule anything else for that evening. It is a time you are committing to opening up your home.

If you want to work hospitality into your busy schedule, you are going to have to commit to it.

Most good, eternal things require self-sacrifice. Hospitality is no different. You are going to have to sacrifice a night you could do something by yourself or with your family and commit to having people over.

What day do you choose? I know a couple who used to go to my Church who opened up their home every Sunday night. After Sunday night service, people would come over and fellowship around a meal to close out the Lord’s day. They had five kids, yet still managed to prioritize hospitality. I know another couple who has someone from Church over for dinner every Thursday. Sometimes, it is a visitor who just started coming to our Church who they invited over. Other times, it is a longtime member they simply want to get to know better.

My wife and I typically do Thursday night because that works best for our schedule. What is the pattern here?

If you want to open up your home, plan on opening up your home.

Get it on the calendar and make it the same day every week.

Step 2: Make a list of 5-10 people, couples, or families you want to focus on getting to know

Jesus impacted hundreds of people during His earthly ministry. But I find it interesting He focused primarily on 12 disciples, and even within that group emphasized three men to really build into. I think there is an important principle to glean from this:

You cannot disciple every single person in your local Church at the same level.

And that is freeing. Instead of trying to have every single person in the Church over your house at some point, sit down and make a list. Write out people you want to have over regularly. I would argue you should include single people in your Church, couples, and families on that list. And don’t just stop with your Church. Write down unsaved neighbors you want to get to know and have opportunities to share the gospel with.

I would limit the list to 5-10 people. You want to focus your efforts to some degree. Currently, I have 10 people I want to consistently have over. How do you choose who is on this list?

  1. Prioritize neighbors living nearby
  2. Think of people from Church who are younger than you or who you could have a disciplining relationship with
  3. Finally, add any people from Church you want to get to know better in general

Don’t feel constrained by this list. It is just a start so that you can perform step 3. You can of course have as many people over as you want. But you need to know the people you really want to focus on, the people you want to have over one-on-one and not in a larger group.

Step 3: Work through the people on the list every week until one of them agrees to come over for dinner

If you want to work hospitality into your busy schedule, you are going to have to pursue people. Remove the option of not having people over during a week. Now that you have a list, go from top to bottom and contact the people on the list one by one. Invite the first person or family over for dinner on whatever day you have set aside. If they say no, move on to the next person on the list.

Keep working through the list until you have a person agree to come over. The next week, move their name to the bottom of the list and work through it again. What is the point of this? You will have to consistently pursue the people on the list if you want to have any impact on their life. Everyone’s busy. But if you invite a person over for dinner three weeks in a row, that person will likely eventually make time for you.

You won’t make hospitality a habit if you only ask one person a week over and do nothing if they say “No”.

Having a list enables you to keep working until you get a “yes”. And as the months go by, perhaps your list will expand or shorten naturally based on who is available. Remember: these steps are only to start the habit of hospitality. As you grow and it becomes second nature, you might change your approach.

Work until hospitality is part of your busy schedule

You aren’t likely to wake up tomorrow and naturally be super social and open to having people in your home. You have to train yourself in godliness. A busy schedule should not stop you from practicing hospitality. It should drive you to work even harder to make sure you have a day set aside to open up your home and a group of people you consistently invite over.

Is hospitality hard work? Yes. But opening up your home gives you opportunities to speak into people’s lives in a way you never could in another context. As guests sit down for dinner, their guard goes down and you start to get to know each one another. Cleaning the dishes after dinner becomes an avenue to “make disciples” and an after-dinner walk gives a context for people to vocalize their doubts and struggles.

Work hospitality into your busy schedule. These three steps will get you started. But before you try any of these steps, pray God would open your heart so you open up your home joyfully to others.

Once you have people over, read this post to think through what meals to plan. Visit the “Building Relationships with Others” page to get tips on how to have meaningful conversations. If you found this post helpful, click below to share on Facebook or Twitter. Subscribe so you don’t miss out on any future posts and follow The Average Churchman on Instagram.

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The Dichotomy of Christian Character

The Dichotomy of Christian Character

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My Pastor recently bought a Jerry Bridges book called “The Practice of Godliness” for me and my fellow Deacons to read. So far, I have really enjoyed the book, particularly with Bridges’ emphasis on devotion to God. I highly recommend you pick it up if you have not read it. However, there is a sentence in the introduction of the book that intrigued me and I want to discuss today. The quote introduces a dichotomy in Christian character.

The last two divisions reflect the seeming dichotomy of Christian character: sternness with ourselves and tenderness towards others.

The Practice of Godliness by Jerry Bridges

What the quote means

Two different sets of character traits

Bridges writes this quote when he describes the overall structure of the book. The latter chapters in “The Practice of Godliness” are individual studies of different aspects of Christian character. The characteristics Bridges says believers should have related to themselves are holiness, self-control, and faithfulness. Bridges then lists peace, patience, gentleness, kindness/goodness, and love as characteristics Christians should have in relation to others.

Bridges goes on to say holiness, self-control, and faithfulness enable Christians to deal “sternly” with themselves. On the other hand, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness/goodness, and love are qualities which enable believers to deal graciously towards others. The quote given above is Bridges summary of the differences in these lists of Christian character qualities: believers are stern with themselves and gracious towards others.

I take the word “stern” to mean Christians don’t give themselves a pass. They discipline themselves. Curb sinful desires, subject themselves to self control, and expect faithfulness to the Lord and to others. However, when they deal with other people, Christians are “swift to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.” Bridges rightly calls this a “dichotomy” in Christian character.

How you treat yourself as a believer is different than how you treat others.

Why it is important

The counter-cultural stance Scripture takes

At first glance, you might think this dichotomy between how you are to treat yourself and how you treat others makes no sense. Why should you treat yourself differently than you treat others? But I would argue most of us live in this same dichotomy every day, just in reverse: we are stern towards others, and very gracious towards ourselves. The dichotomy is not the issue; it is where you place yourself in the dichotomy.

I have written previously about the need for worldview-confronting teaching from Scripture. This dichotomy in Christian character that Bridges highlights goes directly against the wisdom of modern culture. When was the last time you heard someone talk about being “stern” with themselves? How often do you hear others use ungracious language with other people? Are people quick to notice your own sins and faults, or are they quicker to excuse themselves and point out the faults of other people?

It is easy to believe the worst about other people and the best about ourselves. Such a perspective does not come from Scripture; it is what everyone naturally does in the flesh. Just scroll through social media for a half-hour and you will see what I mean. There are countless online interactions which take one of two forms:

  1. Ungracious and stern criticism of others
  2. Dogmatic justification of one’s own stance and/or excusing one’s own behavior

It is just how the culture functions. Other people need self-control, to correct their behavior, and to meet their responsibilities. But you rarely turn the mirror on yourself. You can easily come up with a hundred excuses for why you do what you do. Self-justification is not a new problem.

The reason why Bridges’ quote stuck out to me is it sets the order straight. You and I need to “love our neighbors as ourselves” while at the same time “train ourselves unto godliness.” If you get the dichotomy wrong, you will not grow spiritually. You will end up overlooking the areas where you need to grow in Christ-likeness while at the same time becoming preoccupied with other people’s behavior.

If you truly knew the depths of your own sinfulness, you would spend more time working out your own salvation than you spend correcting other people.

Takeaways

1. Make every excuse for other people.

This is something my Pastor mentioned once while preaching through Ephesians. Christians should be quick to make excuses for other people. Someone cut you off in traffic? They probably have to get somewhere quickly. A family member responded harshly and unfairly to you? They most likely have something going on behind the scenes that has nothing to do with you. Pastor hasn’t returned your text and you asked if you could meet up? He no doubt is preparing the sermon and is deep into the text.

Sound crazy? That is because you and I are so accustomed to jumping to the worst case scenario when other people do things we don’t like. It is easier to assume a sinful motivation on the part of the other person than it is to control your own poor reaction to what they did. If you want to become a more gracious person, start defending those who upset you. It sounds odd, and it is a difficult habit to get into, but it is freeing.

Instead of assuming the world is out to get you, remind yourself of how Jesus reacted when people hated Him, misinterpreted everything He did, and ultimately crucified Him. If anyone could have played the role of “victim,” it was Jesus. But 1 Peter 2 says Christ behaved differently

 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

1 Peter 2:21-23 ESV, emphasis added

2. Try to go a single day without justifying or defending yourself. See how hard it is.

The flip side of making every excuse for the other person is refraining from defending yourself. Try it for a day. Don’t defend yourself or seek to justify yourself to others. How long will you make it through the day? For me, I might make it until I interact with my first person of the day. Deep is the human capacity for self-justification.

But if Bridges is right, and I think he is, part of Christian character is denying yourself and controlling your behavior. When someone tells you that you are wrong, the default response of your heart is “I couldn’t be.” When you are questioned, your first thought is “I can’t be wrong.” In fact, oftentimes you jump to the conclusion the other person must be wrong or in sin to even approach you.

If you want to grow spiritually, you are going to have to become stern with yourself. A good, memorable summary of this perspective is “suspect yourself first” or “suspect your own heart first.” That summary is from one of my favorite books of all time “When Sinners Say I Do” by Dave Harvey (buy and read this book immediately if you have not already). It is a book about marriage, but the principle applies to all aspects of life. You don’t know the sinfulness of another persons heart. But you do know your own heart.

If you are going to jump to a conclusion, jump to the conclusion that you are wrong or mistaken. Then work your way back from there.

If you want to have this mindset, you are going to have to refrain from defending yourself. Pause. Pray to the Lord “reveal any wicked way in me” before responding. Humble yourself that God may exalt you in due time. There is freedom in behaving sternly with ourselves and graciously towards others.

If you missed a “Book Quote of the Week” post, click here to view all previous posts. If you found this post helpful, please share and subscribe below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more content throughout the week.

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The Art of Spiritual Warfare

The Art of Spiritual Warfare

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I never fully understood the spiritual warfare metaphors in the New Testament. Maybe it is because I am in 21st century America and I am isolated from war and conflict. I have always known brothers and sisters in Christ who found the idea that the Christian life is a spiritual war helpful, encouraging, and practical. But personally, I never fully understood its significance.

Even when my Pastor preached through Ephesians, it didn’t fully “click.” Reading (part of) the great Puritan work on the armor of God was helpful, but not entirely clarifying. I still did not understand the “warfare” metaphor at a fundamental level.

Finally, I decided to take my own advice and think through the Biblical metaphor of spiritual warfare. I can’t claim to have grasped every aspect of what the Bible says on this topic, but I now see numerous practical implications to God comparing the Christian life to warfare.

New Testament Texts that Discuss Spiritual Warfare

Before I give you my thoughts on spiritual warfare, I think it is helpful to lay out a few texts where “warfare” language is used. This list is by no means exhaustive, but I think these five verses give a good overview of how the New Testament uses warfare language.

The first text is the most famous and well known one: Ephesians 6. This text contains the most extended use of the warfare metaphor. Paul presents the conflict and then details the different armor a Christian has to stand in the conflict.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:11-12 ESV, emphasis added

Paul returns to the metaphor in 2 Timothy. There, Paul focuses less on the “armor of God” and emphasizes the Christian’s identity as a soldier of Jesus.

Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

2 Timothy 2:3-4 ESV, emphasis added

Paul slips in the metaphor again when talking about how Christian’s should behave in the present age. The alternative for continuing in sin is putting on the “armor of light.”

The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

Romans 13:12 ESV, emphasis added

Jesus seems to imply spiritual warfare when He says in Matthew 16 that the gates of hell (Hades) will not prevail against the Church. What attacks a gate? An army.

And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

Matthew 16:18 ESV, emphasis added

Finally, Paul uses the warfare metaphor extensively in 2 Corinthians to describe how he does ministry.

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 ESV, emphasis added

5 Realities Spiritual Warfare Illustrates

1. It implies you are on the alert

The Bible calls Christians to be on the alert in numerous places. The warfare metaphor helps you comprehend what the Bible is calling you to. In a war, soldiers must be ready and aware of what is going on around them. If you fail to know where your enemies are and where they might attack, you are setting yourself up for defeat.

Contrast this with “peacetime.” There is no real need to be alert. You can go about your daily life without thinking about every aspect of what you do, why you are doing it, and what your goal is. In war, you don’t have the luxury of sitting back and acting like there are not problems around you. You want to get information on any aspect of the enemy you are facing. What is the threat? How soon could this threat engage us? What can be done to mitigate the enemy’s advantage?

Spiritual alertness means a conscious awareness of what is going on spiritually around you. How might the devil tempt you today? Who is going to influence you? Will that music or movie draw you closer to Christ or further away?

Christians should not live their lives passively. Alertness means thoughtfully and reflectively engaging in all you do.

2. Calls you to action (especially before the enemy acts)

Action is necessary in war. Oftentimes, the side that strikes first gains a military advantage. Warfare is often focused on gaining strategic advantage, then acting to exploit that advantage. Action is not just an “available option.” It is a necessity. No one wins a war without acting.

Spiritual warfare is no different. Christians who are aware that they are in a spiritual conflict won’t wait around for temptation to come. They will be proactive, not reactive. God’s word lays out the weapons Christians have in their arsenal. Ephesians 6 and 2 Corinthians 10 clearly lay them out. A Christian takes the weapons he is given and uses them to combat the enemy at hand, whether that enemy is the flesh, temptation, or plain old unbelief.

Know the weapons God has given you. Know your goal and target. Then join with fellow Christians and act.

3. It sets your expectations for how life will be

In times of peace, there is a comfort and a bliss. Things are going well, and you assume things will continue to go well. In warfare, only a fool would think everything is good and that life will be easy and comfortable. In a war, you have a completely different set of expectations than when you are in a time of peace.

I am convinced a lot of the spiritual warfare language God uses in Scripture is to create a certain mindset in the Church. Don’t assume everything is going to be good and well. Don’t be surprised when things are difficult. There will be losses along the way. Some battles you will lose, others you will win. You will need to make tough choices. In wartime, you must act with limited information that is often ambiguous. But you make decisions based on the information you have.

War is difficult. It takes work. It takes all the effort and strength you have. So too in the Christian life. If you expected following Christ to be an easy endeavor, the “warfare” language of the New Testament sets your expectations straight. You are on the front lines. You are giving up your own life, your own priorities, your own comfort for a larger cause. Expect hardship and resistance every step of the way.

4. Sacrifice is the norm and pleasure is not the priority

In war, you must sacrifice now in order to gain later. Self-denial is not a choice, it is a necessity. In times of peace, it is easy to prioritize self and spend your time maximizing your own pleasure. God calls Christians to arms. God’s glory is at stake, people are perishing, and there is no time for a holiday.

That isn’t to say the Christian life is drudgery. There is happiness presently for the Christian and happiness promised in the future. But Jesus calls us to take up our cross and deny ourselves. The warfare language Scripture uses clarifies what Jesus is calling us to. In war, you aren’t surprised when sacrifice is required of you and you aren’t disappointed when your pleasure isn’t the most important thing in your world.

As a Christian, there is a higher cause that you are living and dying for. Christ. The gospel. The glory of God displayed in all things. If this cause is your priority, you will joyfully accept the sacrifices that Christ, your great commander, requires of you.

How you respond to suffering and calls for self-sacrifice will reveal whether you have a peacetime or wartime mindset

5. Implies strategic action

You don’t have to have a strategy in peacetime. You just live. Go about your day. Do what you feel like you want to do. But in war, everything is done strategically. There is a problem, there is a battle plan, and then you execute the plan. I think a lot of difficulties in local Church ministries comes down to failing to strategize. Just as most defeats in warfare occur due to poor or non-existent strategy, so too are many spiritual defeats caused by the Church failing to strategize.

Christians are at war. We have goals and people side by side working towards those goals. To execute on a plan, you first need to make a plan. You have to think about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how best to do it. Christians need strategy sessions where they go to Scripture to understand their call, look out at the local context around them, and ask the question “how best can we live out these commands in this outpost God has called us to man?”

Your local Church is an outpost where God is equipping you to strategically engage those around you with the Gospel

Conclusion

So much more could be said about spiritual warfare. It is a rich Biblical metaphor with dozens of implications. God wants us to have proper expectations of what our life will be as Christians. Thankfully, Christ has already won the victory and we are “more than conquerors” through Him.

But until Christ returns, we have work to do. A war to fight. And you are on the front line. The battle is raging at work. In our homes. Within our communities. In our local Churches. At our Schools. God has given us all the weapons of spiritual warfare we could possibly need. We simply need to wake up, realize we are on the front line, and heed the orders of our sovereign and powerful Commander.

If you want to try to meditate on a Biblical metaphor yourself, check out this tool I made to guide you through the process. If you found this post helpful, subscribe and share below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more content.

book quote of the week
Living Out Your Identity in Christ

Living Out Your Identity in Christ

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The past few years, I have heard sermons and read dozens of articles discussing my “identity in Christ.” It is a crucial Biblical concept. But I have personally found it difficult to connect my identity in Christ with my behavior day by day. “Identity in Christ” can easily become an abstract doctrinal truth which does not enter enter my mind throughout the day.

Recently, I was reading a section of a book called “Grit” which helped me understand how identity and action relate. I have previously written about the book in last week’s “Book Quote of the Week.” It is a helpful book for the most part, but there is nothing in it which is not already in Scripture. There is, however, a brief section which deals with “living out who you are.” I think it gives some helpful questions to aid you in living out your identity in Christ.

Who am I? What is the situation? What does someone like me do in a situation like this?

Grit by Angela Duckworth

What the quote means

Who you proceeds and informs what you do

In “Grit”, author Angela Duckworth discusses how passion and perseverance (or “grit”) both predict, to some degree, “success.” The chapter in which this quote appears focuses on developing a culture of grit. The point she makes is grit does not come from calculation or cost benefit analysis. It comes from “the strength of the person we know ourselves to be.”

Now, buried in this mire of self-focused self-help is the important point: most of what you and I do is not based on some sort of pros and cons calculation. For example, let’s say you saw an old lady fall over in front of you. How do you decide what action to take next? Do you sit down and write out the benefits of helping her up compared with the amount of time it would take out of your day? Perhaps you write out the pros and cons of coming to her aid?

Of course not. You would not do either of those things. Instead, you simply act: you either help the old lady up, or ignore her. The type of person you are will determine what you do. Most of your actions throughout a day are not calculated (although granted, some bigger decisions like what house you should buy are often calculated). They proceed simply from who you are. Your character. Your values.

Why it is important

How does Christ change your actions?

What I love about the quote I gave above, is it gives three memorable little questions for living out your identity in Christ. “Who am I? What is the situation? What does someone like me do in a situation like this?” Now, for Angela Duckworth and the American culture as a whole, identity is self-defined. Personal values and personal essence are a buffet as it were: you pick and choose who you want to be. But the Biblical worldview could not be more different.

God defines your identity. And for a Christian, you are “in Christ.” United with Christ. Paul constantly reminds almost every Church he writes to that they belong to Christ and therefore cannot continue living in sin. In fact, they must kill sin and “put on” Christ. So a Christian version of the three questions Duckworth gives is “Who am I in Christ? What is the situation? What does someone who is in Christ do in a situation like this?”

These three questions have really helped me live out my identity in Christ. You and I experience dozens of situations a day, some unexpected, some expected. You no doubt want to respond to each situation in a God-honoring, Christ-exalting way. But how?

Respond to each situation by asking yourself “What does a sinner redeemed by God’s grace in Christ and living under His Lordship do in this situation?”

Oftentimes, just asking the question will re-frame the whole situation. Instead of responding based on your own ideas or desires, you focus your mind back on Christ. What does Jesus value? How does the Lord want me to respond in this situation? What is the action which most pleases Him?

Living out your identity in Christ is not complicated. You just have to pause and remind yourself of who you are. If you do, oftentimes the Lord will bring to your mind Scriptures which clarify what you should do or what you should value.

Takeaways

1. Remind yourself of who you are in Christ each day

You can only live out your identity in Christ to the extant that you know who you are in Christ. Thankfully, this is clearly important to the New Testament authors. Reminding yourself of the gospel and theological truth is not some abstract, heady thing. There is nothing more practical than taking yourself back to the source of your life and hope: Christ.

How can you respond to situations in a Christ-honoring way if you don’t remind yourself what honors Christ? You and I have short memories. In the absence of Biblical truth, you will define your own identity and values. You will respond in a way that “feels best” to you. But one of the great joys of being a Christian is being free to live for Christ, not self.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20 ESV, emphasis added

Are you a Christian? You no longer live. The identity you made for yourself is dead and gone. But Christ lives in you. And the life you are living now is completely centered on Christ. In order to practically live that out moment by moment, you must remember who you are.

2. Don’t trust your instincts. Pause and reflect before you respond

It is so easy to live your day on autopilot. You go from one thing to the next without asking what you are doing and why you are doing it. You can easily live by “instinct” rather than by conscious obedience to Christ and His word. The old person you used to be before Christ with its attitudes, actions, and values can easily appear in how you respond to those around you. The antidote: pause.

Someone cut you off in traffic? Pause. Just for 5 seconds. Long enough to ask yourself “what does a Christian do in this situation?” Your spouse lashed out at you unfairly. Give it five seconds. Maybe ask the Lord “what would you have me do?” Reflect before you respond. Remind yourself of the omnipresent Lord of your life before you act. It is not actually that difficult and does not practically take very long.

Develop the habit of thinking of Christ before you respond to a particular situation

This is a tough habit to develop and maintain. But if you really want your “identity in Christ” to have a definite impact on your life, you need train yourself to constantly return to Him and who you are in Him. Behavior modification won’t work. Analyzing every possible response to a given situation is not possible or practical. You must pause, pray, and act as a Christ would act.

Transform your day simply by asking each moment along the way: How would Jesus want me to respond? In 90% of situations, just by asking this question the Lord will give you insight into how you should act.

Click here to read any “Book Quote of the Week” posts you might have missed. Did you find this post helpful? Share and subscribe below. Follow The Average Churchman on Instagram to get more content throughout the week.

hospitality
Meals for Practicing Hospitality

Meals for Practicing Hospitality

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When my wife and I first got married, we started reading an insightful book called “The Gospel Comes with a House Key: Practicing Radically Ordinary Hospitality in Our Post-Christian World” by Rosaria Butterfield. I highly recommend it if you have not read it yet. “Hospitality” is simply having people over your house to get to know them, talk with them, and hopefully have opportunities to speak into their lives. In my experience, practicing hospitality almost always includes gathering around a meal.

So the question is: what are some good meals to make when practicing hospitality? When I was in college, my good friend and mentor had students over his house every Sunday night for a meal. Far from being boring, these meals were delicious (especially compared with college cafeteria food) and provided a context to hang out and talk after Sunday evening service.

In this post, I want discuss how to choose a meal when practicing hospitality and recommend a few meals that are ideal for having a medium to large group over for dinner. Use them at small groups, pot lucks, and any time the Church gathers for a meal or you open up your home.

What makes a good meal for having lots of people over?

Not every meal works for hosting large groups. You might have a dozen favorite recipes, but in my experience, there are three general characteristics of good meals to serve to large groups. Use these principles to narrow down what you plan to serve.

1. Easily scalable

This one is fairly obvious. If your recipe cannot serve 12 or more people, it probably isn’t a candidate for hosting larger Church groups. You don’t want to invite a group over having only made a small amount of food. Now, some recipes naturally are designed for large groups. These are perfect candidates for practicing hospitality. Other recipes might be originally for 4-5 people, but can be doubled or tripled for a larger group.

The key question to ask here is “Can I easily scale up this recipe for a large group?” If the answer is no, cook something different this time around. For example, I personally love steak. But cooking steak for a large group of people would be crazy to attempt; it just isn’t scalable. On the other hand, you can double or triple most pasta dishes without too much difficulty or extra work.

2. Cheap ingredients

When practicing hospitality, especially with a large group, the goal is to feed your guests and provide them with a context to fellowship with one another. Your goal should not be impressing them with your most expensive ingredients. Leave the truffle salt and caviar for a smaller meal. Cheap, filling ingredients like rice, pasta, and beans should be staples of larger meals. Look for recipes with basic, cheap ingredients and make sure any recipe you find does not require hundred rare seasonings.

Now, just because you should look for cheap ingredients and readily available spices does not mean your food should be bland. Part of the fun of cooking comes down to constraints and trade offs: given a certain amount of time to cook with a certain amount of ingredients, what is the most delicious meal you can make? It is a wonderful and fun challenge to limit yourself to essential ingredients and to still make a delicious meal.

3. Broad appeal

Hospitality is not the time to pull out that exotic meal you aren’t sure you will like or not. Don’t use your guests as tests for a new recipe. Stick with those meals and cuisines which has the broadest appeal. Most people have different tastes in food, different spice tolerance, and so on. Aim for recipes that most people, ages, and backgrounds would like. Ask yourself as you choose a recipe “is this something that the people coming would cook and eat on their own?”

As a side note, if your Church is like mine, you no doubt have members with food allergies or dietary restrictions. It is important to show love to these members by making meals which meet their dietary needs whenever possible. Every time you find or try a nut-free, dairy-free, vegetarian, or gluten-free recipe that you enjoy, save it for future hosting. It is always easier to make a single meal which everyone can eat instead of two different meals, one for someone with a dietary need and another for everyone else.

Some suggested meals for practicing hospitality

Armed with the principles above, I have full faith you can discern what to cook when having Church members over. However, to get you inspired, here are 6 general recipes or categories of recipes I have seen succeed when made for large groups of people. Each of these meet the criteria I gave above: scalable, cheap ingredients, and broad appeal. I have provided a couple “example recipes” for you to test drive for yourself under each category.

1. Tacos

This is a classic and it couldn’t get simpler. Brown the meat, season it, and then serve with as many toppings as you care to use. As long as you don’t make the tacos too spicy, it should be an easy to cook, easy to enjoy meal. Tacos are great because you can make them as simple or as fancy as you like. Making homemade guacamole is a great way to elevate a simple taco dinner.

Taco meat for a crowd

Homemade guacamole

2. Spaghetti Bake

I can’t tell you how many different forms of spaghetti bake I have had over the years. And you know what? Most of the time, it is a tasty, filling, crowd-pleasing meal. Italian food in general is ideal for hospitality since you can make it “in bulk” with cheap ingredients, and most people like it. As with tacos, you can make spaghetti bake as fancy as you desire; you have lots of choices. For example, you can use sausage or ground beef and you can either use homemade tomato sauce or opt for the store bought sauce.

Million-dollar Spaghetti Bake

Easy and delicious homemade pasta sauce

3. Poppy-seed Chicken

This is another recipe I have had in a couple forms of over the years. Most of the time I have had it with rice which makes it “go further” and guarantees guests leave the table full. You must remember to cook the chicken ahead of time but besides that it is a simple recipe with few ingredients.

Poppy-seed chicken

4. Pulled Pork Sandwiches

I have had pulled pork in many forms at many small group meals. There is simply no easier way to feed a large group than slow cook a pork shoulder, shred it with some barbecue sauce, and serve it with buns, coleslaw, and some chips. An added benefit of pulled pork is it is most of the time dairy free. There are dozens of recipes to choose from, some easy some complicated.

Basic, easy, delicious pulled pork

“Texas style” pulled pork

Fancier pulled pork

5. Zuppa Toscana

In the winter, a hearty soup is welcome at any table. Of all the soups I have had at different Church members’ houses, this is the most common. The combination of sausage and potatoes makes for a filling and tasty meal. If you want to mix things up, try using sweet potatoes instead of normal potatoes (I personally prefer it).

Zuppa Toscana

Similar soup but with sweet potatoes

6. Chili (Red or White)

Chili is filling and often cheap due to its use of beans. By browning meat with some seasonings and adding a couple cans of beans, you can cheaply feed a crowd. Serve the chili over rice and the meal will stretch even further. Another great characteristic of chili is you can cook it in a crock-pot. If you want to get even fancier, try making a white chicken chili. It is lighter, and has a more complex flavor in my opinion, but it will take a bit more work.

Slow cooker chili (Beef)

Slow cooker chili (Chicken)

Conclusion: Don’t let the meal keep you from hospitality

For those who don’t enjoy cooking, the meal aspect of having people over can become burdensome. I find that having a small list of “go-to” recipes can help alleviate this. Remember: the goal of having people over for dinner, especially a large group, is not to impress or draw attention to your skills as a cook. You simply want to provide a warm, welcoming context for spiritual conversation, friendship, and closeness.

For other posts I have written to help you interact in the local Church, click here. Share and subscribe below if you found this post helpful. Be sure to follow The Average Churchman on Instagram so you don’t miss any content.